Does a man’s sexuality change in his 30s?

 

Straight from his mouth to God's ears.

You may think I made that up, but no! Someone actually found TTTM by searching for today’s blog title. First, I’d like to offer up, “Oh, man, thinking about the sexual conquest possibilities really makes me squish.” Clean up on aisle Var, please.

 

Anyhoo, I can only assume that this Googler, or whatever, was attempting to find out if men tend to come to terms with their sexual curiosity in their 30s more so than any other decade of existence. Personally, if someone were to say yes, I’d contend bollocks. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but that it happens when a person is comfortable enough with who they are and don’t worry about how the world views them. I’m not basing this on any statistics I’ve read or any specialists I’ve consulted. This is just my gut instinct.

Now this brings some questions to mind for me. 1.) Why would someone question their sexuality after 3 decades? 2.) <I pray the Googler is still following the blog, and if so, are you in a state of flux/questioning about your own sexuality? Do you have a friend experiencing this? Essentially, why did you google/yahoo/bing this string of terms? 3.) Hell, I want to know the answer to all of these when you substitute ‘woman’ for ‘man’. We’re dying to know your thoughts, so feel free to pipe up. In other words, comment. Do it!

I’ve gotta say I’m feeling very Dan Savage right now.

Sex positive? Yes, please.

I’ve had my ups and downs with my sexuality over the years. I identify as gay, but questioning moments did surface. There were a few years of celibacy after a nasty breakup during which time I thought I could possibly be straight. Then another guy came along and quelled all second guessing. I’m about to be 31, and I find myself pondering the true essence of my sexuality. How do this beast and I co-exist in the same space at the same time? I don’t limit my sexual attraction to just the testosterone laden, masculinity of the male form; women are just as beautiful.

Enter Sex Positive Movement

I’m a regular listener to Dan Savage on the Savage Love Podcast, and he’s constantly throwing the term Sex Positive around. The concept was always 100% irrelevant to me. Until now. I realize that I’ve been holding myself in a box by means of societal norms and expectations. Mainstream societal labels and definitions. This is not to say that I’m denouncing the fact of identifying as a gay man. Instead, I think it’s time I tweak that label and fill it out a bit.  Sex positive, gay man has a nice ring to it, eh? I’m all about diversity, differences, and individuality. I see it fitting to incorporate the notion of sex positive into my sex life since it agrees with these variables, as well.

Now to the catalyst for this post and ponderings. I recently had a pseudo-sexual encounter with a woman. That’s right. A woman. Weird, huh? Maybe for you. For me it felt as natural as beating my meat to get my day started. In all honesty, it was quite a liberating experience. Let me back up for a moment. When I say ‘pseudo-sexual encounter’, I mean that there was more than just kissing involved. No penetration or orgasm. We were just sexual. God and Goddess-like. I’ve always talked to friends about how I find women attractive–especially boobs–but nothing has ever really happened other than the occasional kiss here or there. Those kisses were mostly just for fun though. You know, shock value. This recent foray was more though. It opened doors to possibilities I’d only contemplated turning the knob on before.

The Sex Positive Movement is more than just polyamory and identifying as gay, straight, bi, queer, etc. It’s an embracing of what makes you happy within the confines of a safe and secure environment. It’s about respect. At this point in my life, I am still quite monogamous by nature. However, I understand that open dialogue and honesty (with yourself and others) will help us reap benefits 10 times over. What I’m trying to say is date and be merry. Explore the simple things in life that make you happy, wrap it up and stay safe, and become the individual, sexually and non-sexually, you were meant to be.

Submissions and Stage-5 Clinger Signs: Great way to start a week, eh?

A word from our sponsors:

I want to talk to you Scoundrels about submissions. Lately, Sport and I have been pretty much churning out topics for you to sink your agreeable, sometimes judgmental, opinionated, which we all love teeth into. But we haven’t been receiving many submissions from you. WTF? Do you feel your 30s experience doesn’t merit our welcoming eyes? Are you just too good to share how awesome and fucked up your 30s are?  We started this blog tocreate a community for all of us nearing that threshold of 30s, navigating this 30s labyrinth, and even those of us that have reached the 30s dénouement (God rest their souls). Now, armed with this new-found awareness what are you going to do with it? If the answer is submit your tales of debaucherous sex, child-rearing, relationships, career, traveling (you get the idea), then you just won the secret prize. Ahem, if I told you, then it wouldn’t be secret, now would it? Sooooo, what will we do? SUBMIT POSTS! When will we do it? NOW! Just send them over to talkthirtytome@gmail.com.