Sex positive? Yes, please.

2 Dec

I’ve had my ups and downs with my sexuality over the years. I identify as gay, but questioning moments did surface. There were a few years of celibacy after a nasty breakup during which time I thought I could possibly be straight. Then another guy came along and quelled all second guessing. I’m about to be 31, and I find myself pondering the true essence of my sexuality. How do this beast and I co-exist in the same space at the same time? I don’t limit my sexual attraction to just the testosterone laden, masculinity of the male form; women are just as beautiful.

Enter Sex Positive Movement

I’m a regular listener to Dan Savage on the Savage Love Podcast, and he’s constantly throwing the term Sex Positive around. The concept was always 100% irrelevant to me. Until now. I realize that I’ve been holding myself in a box by means of societal norms and expectations. Mainstream societal labels and definitions. This is not to say that I’m denouncing the fact of identifying as a gay man. Instead, I think it’s time I tweak that label and fill it out a bit.  Sex positive, gay man has a nice ring to it, eh? I’m all about diversity, differences, and individuality. I see it fitting to incorporate the notion of sex positive into my sex life since it agrees with these variables, as well.

Now to the catalyst for this post and ponderings. I recently had a pseudo-sexual encounter with a woman. That’s right. A woman. Weird, huh? Maybe for you. For me it felt as natural as beating my meat to get my day started. In all honesty, it was quite a liberating experience. Let me back up for a moment. When I say ‘pseudo-sexual encounter’, I mean that there was more than just kissing involved. No penetration or orgasm. We were just sexual. God and Goddess-like. I’ve always talked to friends about how I find women attractive–especially boobs–but nothing has ever really happened other than the occasional kiss here or there. Those kisses were mostly just for fun though. You know, shock value. This recent foray was more though. It opened doors to possibilities I’d only contemplated turning the knob on before.

The Sex Positive Movement is more than just polyamory and identifying as gay, straight, bi, queer, etc. It’s an embracing of what makes you happy within the confines of a safe and secure environment. It’s about respect. At this point in my life, I am still quite monogamous by nature. However, I understand that open dialogue and honesty (with yourself and others) will help us reap benefits 10 times over. What I’m trying to say is date and be merry. Explore the simple things in life that make you happy, wrap it up and stay safe, and become the individual, sexually and non-sexually, you were meant to be.


3 Responses to “Sex positive? Yes, please.”

  1. turnthisway December 2, 2010 at 4:29 pm #

    I’ve had one of those shock value kisses. it was worth it ;)

  2. Charli December 2, 2010 at 11:55 pm #


    Lots of thoughts on this. I love the Sex Positive term. I’m not a fan of identifying myself by who I prefer to sleep with. I find people physically beautiful though I prefer sausage to taco. I just don’t want to be identified as a sausage lover.

    I also love boobs. They’re pretty. Balls are like boobs on men, only not as pretty…

    In my life I’m trying to figure out what’s normal but following my internal guide for what feels morally right according my internal compass without basing it all on “feeling” if that makes any sense at all. It’s the whole, what is safe, secure and healthy for all parties involved.

    Ya know?

    • Joe December 5, 2010 at 9:14 pm #

      Word again.

      With what Charli said – Normal is pretty much abnormal, beyond what you want to find for yourself.

      I myself LOVE the female figure in every aspect, but am left awestruck and swooning at the right male personality. To me, what women carry in aesthetics, men carry in mind. So I find myself attracted to men and women alike, though I wouldn’t classify myself as “bi” or what have you. There’s too much connotation that goes along with silly classifications of sexuality.

      I just know what I like in people though I usually prefer women. – I happen to think that humans are some of the most beautiful things on this earth, both masculine and feminine.

      Having discovered the sex-positive movement thanks to this blog post… I’m with it.

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