Tag Archives: balance

Guest Post: The Balancing Act Pt. 2

16 Jun

In “The Balancing Act Pt. 1” we were given a glimpse into how the positive chaos in DinoKitten’s life had manifested itself negatively in her relationship(s).  So, naturally, in Pt. 2 we are about to dive into an emotional cesspool of feeling relationship isolation and the need to gain middle ground with the partner she loves.

I’m so confused.

I’m not the best communicator. Normally, I’d say communication follows the order of 1-2-3. But, me, I generally communicate  1-3-2-1-3  or something. Perhaps that is why I chose the chaotic life, and why I have a love/hate
relationship with it. It can be fun to take chances, move to big new cities, be brave, experience third world counties. It builds a nice tough skin that lets you love and appreciate the earth. The chaotic life sucks sometimes also, mostly when it’s only about work, and those things you like to do—yeah, they don’t get done anymore. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work = 50-60 hours a week = too tired to think/care/indulge in anything else.

Is there anyone out there reading this that has a great ability to balance things? Can a chaotic life be capable of this? Please say, yes! Two sides to this question, from my current perspective and situation on how I feel balance is affecting me personally:

Me on HIM: Do you take the two minutes to stop what you are doing to look her in the eyes and say hello, connect, hug? Do you think to ask if she may want something to eat also? Did you make time to have a relationship and not just be a workaholic? Do you ever talk about anything other than work? Why did you stop being so passionate about me and now only about work? Why don’t you act like you love me? Why don’t you make time for me? Why do you answer everyone else’s calls and texts while we’re out at dinner, but you never respond to mine?

Me on ME: Why don’t I make time to create more? If I created more—painting, drawing, photoshop—maybe I wouldn’t be so consumed with how much my relationship seems to be failing and how he doesn’t seem to care about anything but work. I should take the dog on more walks. I should find and explore more to do with myself. I should make more friends. I should really keep my promise to take my friend out to lunch. I should go find a new trail and hike it. I wish I had time to do all these things. Why does he never look at me anymore? I’m invisible. Maybe if I made more time to do things for me and told him to go jump in a lake I’d be a real 30 something, independent, classy… sigh. I’m crazy, aren’t I?

FML.

Dear (my) partner:  It feels like you go out of your way to NOT look at me. I see you examine all the walls, people, objects with your eyes, only to never meet mine. It makes my heart pound with a slow chisel of death as each month, week, day, hour, minute and then finally… second goes by that you no longer look or feel for me. Why are you even with me? I’ve tried to ask and tell you my needs. I’ve asked what’s a solution for you to balance our relationship. Why don’t you do it?

Dear reader:  If you feel like your partner is giving you the invisible treatment, then I feel for you. If you are the partner not taking fragments of time each day to acknowledge, hug, connect, then I hope you realize how painful that is, and that you should stop. NOW.

Balance comes in lots of forms. This entry was geared towards a relationship, but it can be the same for your personal hobby, exercise, etc… How do YOU make time for these things? The older we get, the more impossible it seems to become.

–DinoKitten

Guest Post: The Balancing Act Pt.1

14 Jun

Alright, Thirty Rotten Scoundrels.  It’s time to rally the troops.  DinoKitten has put it all on the table in this submission.  The way I see it,  she needs some discerning ears and constructive feedback.  What do you have for her?

I write this with a lovesick heart. It’s not the good kind of love sick either – the early spring, can’t take my eyes off you, love note-writing kind. I write from the sad, too busy with work to pay attention to anything else kind. This entry has a lot to d0 with my current status and difficulty in what 31 years of life should have prevented me from getting into.

Maybe it’s because I’m this old and still having issues, maybe it’s because the things that made me who I am, I can’t even see anymore. Ultimately this is about balance.

Girls are naturally better at multi-tasking which makes sense as they have to be to be good moms, wives, CEOs, etc. With that mindset, women have to learn to be patient with their man, and please feel free to defend and comment on this, men only deal with what is front of them.

The insight, instinct and ability to question what their partner/job/stomach may be needing or up to comes in generally when it’s about to happen or maybe even five minutes notice. If they even bother to question that at all, which is where my situation comes in.

I’m only mom to one, the canine kind. I don’t live in the suburbs, and I don’t have a white picket fence. I chose the chaotic life, not the reliable predictable one. For several years I thought I wanted those things, because society and general overall “success stories” seem to deem that the case.

By the age of 30, I promised myself a real life, one for me, and accepted those “normal” things were not me. Turning 30 was great, because it gave me a real confidence- one I didn’t have before (and I’m a leader-type person) to fucking just be ME. And if you don’t like ME, then fuck you.

I’ve lived with a few guys. I’ve been committed long term. The list grew, with those 30 years experience, of what I really wanted in a partner. About six months of that mindset, I found my “person” or who I thought fit that role. And now here we are, 12 months after that… still together. Or are we?

Without the previous relationships getting in the way, like a previous entry on this blog stated, they are your “ex” for a reason, so appreciate that they (your man) are different. One thing I think is important to realize here: Yes, they may be different, but did I chose the same or did I chose differently?

What happens when you thought you did chose differently but then the yucky hidden things that you specifically DID NOT want on your list anymore… reveal their ugly head? What then?

Then it makes it hard to make sure the previous relationship isn’t getting in the way, because all of the sudden you feel like you’re repeating something you let go of and no longer want. And now you live with it. Again.

How did that happen? Where did I go wrong? Getting older doesn’t answer this question, at least for me.

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