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Guest Post: You want a submission? Be careful what you wish for…

16 Sep

Life is a bitch. I know you all know this; however, we all need to be reminded from time to time.. Get off of your high-horse and realize that everything is not peaches-n-cream. Except when there’s a gin & tonic involved. Can I get a…ummmm…something positive. Shit!

Today, Enya is the reminding catalyst. She sounds like a stress bucket (like, we are) and when she speaks of the cancer, ugh! All I have to say is I was in the coffee shop trying to hide the tears. Yeah, I’m that queer sometimes. (Okay. All the time, but whatever.) I’m have a great friend, and my dogs original owner, that is suffering from an aggressive Lymphoma, and tears happen. I love her, and Sweetcheeks, I hope you are reading and will post for our readers soon. *muah*

Here’s Enya. And don’t pretend like your head isn’t like this on the reg. Yeah. That’s what I thought! –theVar Continue reading

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When everyone is getting married, and you’re not

17 Aug

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I think my mailbox has seen about 4 wedding invitations this summer. I couldn’t be happier for the couples. Love is a wonderful thing and I get giddy just thinking about good marriages.

If you watch Mad Men, you know the whole world thinks that all women want is to get married.  At least that was the idea in the 60s. How much of that holds true today?

I know I want to get married, but in good time. When I’ve found the right partner, and I’ve come to a conclusion of unconditional love for that person. Not anytime before.

But I know a lot of women who say they couldn’t care less if they ever get married. They sustain long-term relationships, but the legality of marriage just doesn’t appeal to them. Different strokes.

Now I realize that admitting that you want to get married feels a bit weird. It’s like salvaging one of those burning bras and tossing it back on to confine yourself to a convention. Feels like a step backward in the big lady power movement.

I just don’t think it is. Whether my desire to get married is one that’s been indoctrinated by years of Disney princesses prancing across the silver screen or if it’s a deeply rooted drive to connect with another human being as a partner, I’ll admit it.

Guest Post: Confessions of a Wedding Porn Addict

15 Jul

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You know, sometimes you make a friend in a really weird way. I met today’s guest poster, Angie from one cat per person, on a wedding/ marriage website when I told the story of calling off my own wedding. Aww, tender, I know. Meh, weddings are weird. I feel like there is one nearly every weekend once you turn 30. They spawn crazy obsessive behavior,  lead to fights, and moments of insanity. Most of all, they can be a beautiful expression of love. Or cah-rayzee lady spending sprees in hopes of being a princess for a day. *Smiles* but I digress.

Anyways, she’s a badass, she makes me laugh and I am obsessed with following her own wedding planning with her blog. Angie is both insightful and lighthearted. She talks about stuff that makes sense to me like having two selves and struggling with growing up. And she loves the kittehs. I love Angie. So enjoy, here’s one lady’s story of wedding planning, blogging and being awesomesauce.

I started off as a lurker. We always start off as lurkers. My  many Interweb searches for “how to plan a cheap wedding” and “how not to rip off my own face while planning a wedding” introduced me to the world of wedding blogs.

It was a fun at first. Google churned out all the  highly-stylized inspiration blogs like Once Wed, Style Me Pretty and  Ruffled. These sites gave me my first taste of vintage inspired  engagement shoots and rustic-chic barn weddings. From my very first hit, I was hooked. I’d spend  hours trolling those sites for all kinds of pretty details to feed my  addiction. I’d do it at work, I’d do it when I got home, and I’d even do it in the car if I had my fiance’s iPhone. The wedding inspiration excited me and I had to have it. All of it.

I was a bride obsessed with the details. After seeing it all, I became bored. I was on a constant search of chasing my first inspiration blog high. Moss covered hanging monogram? Seen it.  Luxuriously curvy suede couches for a bright-eyed couples love shoot? Yawn. Smile booths and Holga cameras and sparkly shit hanging  from trees? Double yawn. I had seen it all and it made me want more. I  was a mad woman and  I wanted those sites to make my dreams of Yay! flags and sparkler send offs a reality. I began planning my own wedding in this state, which was a bad idea. I wanted felt mustaches on sticks, old typewriters for the guest book, and plenty of Polaroid cameras. Nothing was good enough, but I wanted it all. I was like an addict lurking in and out of dark  alleyways, itching for something to feed my need.

Then, at my most desperate moment, in walked Meg  from A Practical Wedding, the East Side Bride, and Ariel of Offbeat Bride. They were my saving grace. My own holy trinity of all that is sane and true in wedding planning. It  was a divine intervention and as soon as I saw the light I dusted myself off, had one more good cry, and I never looked back.  Here were all of these beautiful, thoughtful, well-written articles from  women who got me. It’s like they got all up in my head and said, “Oh.  That’s it. She’s just had too much of teh wedding pron.” And I did. I  weened myself off of them, which took a lot longer than expected, and began reading only wedding blogs that I thought had an honest voice.

And when I say honest voice I  mean the voices of real women with real problems and real joys. Not the voices of people who only lust after and brainwash minds with fake weddings, uber designed bullshit, and pillow carrying ponies.Hell no! I wanted the emotion and originality. I wanted to hear first hand from someone who had to choose between religion and her fiance. I wanted to hear from someone who couldn’t go through with her wedding because she knew it wasn’t right. And I wanted to hear from someone who ditched the pretty details and still had the wedding of the century. The holy trinity of APW ESB & OBB nurtured me back to my old self- the Angie who knows a wedding is a celebration of love and not a show.

It took four or five months of lurking for me to finally grow a pair and start my own blog. I can’t  remember (and don’t want to remember) wedding planning without one. In  fact, I like to tell people that wedding blogs are like diamonds, every  girl should have one! Just kidding. I’m really just feeling out the  waters here to see what it’s like and so far- Angie likey.

You  know what else I likey? Being able to craft my voice as a bride, soon-to-be-wife, and a woman through blogging. The support,  encouragement and sharing of ideas is amazing. It’s something I  saw, but didn’t feel as a lurker. Once I started writing and looking past the wedding pron, I magically became part of the community I admired so much. I have received and sent  emails of encouragement both to and from people who know how powerful  their words are and how to use it for good. I developed some wonderful  friendships in wedding blog land and I hope that after we’re wifed or  husbanded up, we can continue conversations about love, relationships  and the hard stuff. I don’t think I would be a confident and happy bride  without the blog scene. Plus, it’s saved me hundos of doll hairs in therapy.

Josh & Angie

In  the eleven months of our engagement we’ve planned two weddings, dumped  several vendors, spent many nights worried about money, and fought with  several family members. Wedding planning is hard shit, folks. Can I say  shit here? In any case, what I can see now that I didn’t see then is  how much planning a wedding has helped me and our  relationship grow. Creating a wedding from a joint vision between two people forces you to talk about all the  uncomfortable stuff- money, in-laws, values, religion, color schemes and  cake flavors. (heehee!) As someone who has a hard time saying No and sticking up  for herself, wedding planning taught me that too.

Blogging has also created a new arena of communication in my relationship. My fiance and I read plenty of wedding blogs. When we reach a topic of interest that makes us go “hmmmm???” we do a little show ‘n’ tell and talk about it. For example, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to change my last name when we get married. Because we had never talked about it, I wasn’t sure how he would respond. I read several posts about name changing on APW and showed them to him. Those posts facilitated a very important conversation for us. Just like wedding planning, creating a life with another person is a learn-as-you-go sorta thing. Reading about another person’s experience allows us to navigate through our own choices. As two folks who met on a popular online dating site, the Internette is a welcome third-party in our healthy, happy, make-up-the-rules-as-you-go lovefest.

Blogging makes  me happy because  I enjoy writing. I may not be very good at it, but I do it for me and I haven’t  been able to say that in a long time. Plus, my readers think I’m damn funny. And who  doesn’t like a shot of affirmation chased by a swig of praise? Right. No  one. Kidding.

I tell anyone and everyone to start a blog- even if it’s a deep and dark anonymous Livejournal or a short and sweet Tumblr account. If you’re thinking of joining the scene, I would say go  for it. Balls to the wall style. Don’t be afraid. There’s a venue for  everyone and your voice is waiting to be heard. Or read.

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