Submissions and Stage-5 Clinger Signs: Great way to start a week, eh?

13 Sep

A word from our sponsors:

I want to talk to you Scoundrels about submissions. Lately, Sport and I have been pretty much churning out topics for you to sink your agreeable, sometimes judgmental, opinionated, which we all love teeth into. But we haven’t been receiving many submissions from you. WTF? Do you feel your 30s experience doesn’t merit our welcoming eyes? Are you just too good to share how awesome and fucked up your 30s are?  We started this blog tocreate a community for all of us nearing that threshold of 30s, navigating this 30s labyrinth, and even those of us that have reached the 30s dénouement (God rest their souls). Now, armed with this new-found awareness what are you going to do with it? If the answer is submit your tales of debaucherous sex, child-rearing, relationships, career, traveling (you get the idea), then you just won the secret prize. Ahem, if I told you, then it wouldn’t be secret, now would it? Sooooo, what will we do? SUBMIT POSTS! When will we do it? NOW! Just send them over to talkthirtytome@gmail.com.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming.

I was at brunch with a ladyface of mine and her funny man (really, he’s fucking funny in a British sorta, what is he talking about kinda way, but Fun-ny nonetheless) when she asked me, “Do you think I’m controlling because I want to give his place a little pizazz?” Now, I ain’t one to judge, but this could potentially turn into a ‘Stage-5 clinger’ red alert. DANGER! Of course, as a guy, he was totally reluctant. At least, it seemed that way to me. So, I

told her that if she offered and he refused to drop it, or do that female back door, under-handed thing. You all know what I’m talking about. It’s when they (my mom) talks circles around me, get me to believe it was my idea, and then I’m like, “Yellz yeah! Let’s do this shit.” Even though, I was never into the “shit” in the first place. Gah, I hate when I’m bamboozled. There’s a joke in here somewhere. Don’t go there! As the conversation mounted, he offered her what I thought was a compromise: You can give my place ‘pizazz’ after I clean it.  Seriously! I really hate when good guys make other guys look like chumps. Bastard!

Before I get caught up in a diatribe of my own self-indulgence over this who-gives-a-fuck-about-pizazzing-your-boyfriends-apartment, I want to turn to you Scoundrels. Is it a controlling move to want/ask/offer to change something about someone? Is he a pushover by letting her do it? Wait. The question I’d like to know is why are we constantly trying to change someone after we get with them? Isn’t who they are the reason your private parts and his private parts did high-fives in the first place?

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3 Responses to “Submissions and Stage-5 Clinger Signs: Great way to start a week, eh?”

  1. Dulce September 13, 2010 at 12:12 pm #

    So, here’s the deal (in my opinion). A relationship gets to a point where one person kind of ends up spending a lot of extra time at the other person’s house. Sometimes it’s the lady’s sometimes it’s the man’s place.

    When things get to this point, I think it is perfectly acceptable for either party to want to add just a little of their own style or personality in a space.

    But it should be just that. Adding to the existing decor and not trying to change it. Unless they ask you to help them with their place.

    Moving in together, now that’s a whole different can of worms…

  2. Lady Crush September 13, 2010 at 2:12 pm #

    Give OUR place pizazz is one thing. Give HIS place pizazz is another. It’s his place. His safe house. His man cave. His domain. The same way you wouldn’t want him staging shelves and shelves of his D&D figurin– ‘scuse me– ACTION FIGURES posed in dramatic re-enactments of epic battle (so I have a “type.” What?), maybe he doesn’t much want you throwing window treatments all around his last bastion of bachelorhood. Let the man enjoy this brief chapter of his life wherein he doesn’t know what a duvet is and has two shelves reserved for beer in his refrigerator. He doesn’t care about the difference between a hand towel and a fingertip towel. He’s got a vinyl shower curtain and a beach towel from spring break 2005.

    When I was living the wild life of a bachelorette, I hated bringing a date back to my place only to have him question my need for an entire mantel full of votive arrangements and framed post cards. FU, this is MY happy place!

    But lots of guys could give two fucks (and even gladly would) if their girlfriend brought over a new comforter set complete with decorative pillow arrangement. I love it when guys choose their battles wisely: Let her bring in fresh linens. Get your windows treated, son. Fuck yeah you can hang that Georgia O’Keefe print in my game room. Just be prepared to meet in the middle & let him pin his life size Electra poster on your bedroom wall, too.

  3. private student loan September 24, 2010 at 11:55 am #

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