Tag Archives: dating

Guest Post: Branded–The Scarlet H

17 Nov

We’re breaking new ground, scoundrels. This guest post is endearing and honest, but mostly, it’s reality. So many people are affected by STDs. I’m not sure how much this conversation is had in the open, but today is as good as any to start a public dialogue about what many sweep under the rug and pretend doesn’t exist. For the sake of anonymity, we’ll call this guest blogger Mary, Mary Quite Contrary. Mary is braving what we wouldn’t ever want to experience–navigating dating with an STD.

TTTM has yet to venture into the territory of STDs, dating, and the oftentimes fact-less stigmas that are attached to STDs and the people that have them. Regardless of how you feel about this topic today, you will undoubtedly walk away from your monitor/laptop/PDA/whatever with food for thought. This is definitely a subject worth the conversation.

I’m 30 years old and I just found out this summer that I have herpes.

There, I said it. It has been weighing on my chest (and genitals) for several months now.

And, no, if you saw me walking down the street you would have no idea that I have a Sexually Transmitted Disease. I may wear the occasional low cut shirt, but my cooter is always covered, and I’m not out on the town slutting it up.

I actually got herpes (more specifically, HSV 2, the down south kind) from my last boyfriend, Continue reading

Unrequited love my ass!

29 Jun

By LeVar Battle
Blogger of StraightenMyTie

It’s bullshit. I studied English and Literature in college and thought the same thing then; however, I must admit, as of late, I’ve started to sing another tune.  There was a boy. He moved on for greener pastures. Now I’m left holding the bag to sow my own. The thing is, I ‘m still caught up on him. He doesn’t just cross my mind. He gets up in there, takes a seat, gives me the tisk-tisk and head shake then decides to cook breakfast for himself before leaving me in a state of “what happened to us?” And even though, this situation is stuck on replay in my head every day, I can’t bring myself to tell him—I Love You! You see before setting off on his endeavor we were just dating. No big commitment. Only dating.  And I fell hard. But now that he’s gone what do I do? He’s in another state. I’m here.  This has consumed my mind all night and today so far.

So I turned to the TTTM followers on Twitter and Facebook to see if others shared in my experience and what they thought of the notion of unrequited love. The conversation was interesting on TTTM Twitter. We asked, “Are we too old for unrequited love? When does it seem immature to love someone from afar instead of laying it all on the line?” One of the responses we received was, “Unrequited love is never immature, only the way we sometimes choose to handle it.”  To that I ask, “How can you measure maturity when dealing with such a concept as unrequited love?” Let’s face it. Love in general tends to make us act out of character, so to speak. What are your thoughts on how I should handle my unrequited love?

But what if she ain’t having it?

28 Jun

By theVar
Blogger of StraightenMyTie

Sport,

I was chatting with a male friend the other day about your article From the Broke Files.  He was really picking up what you were putting down…until!  You see, he stepped back and thought about how his girlfriend would be all about free day at the zoo, free day at the art museum, and all the other none-breaking-the-bank (you’re awesome by-the-way) cool and fun things you came up with until she realizes that they are all FREE.

So it got me to thinking.  She’s probably this high-maintenance, face about town, used to getting what she wants, it chick–so to speak. This girl kinda reminds me of Party Girl (the “it” girl we love).  Come to think of it, Sport, she’s not much different than yourself. You both love free shit. Just in different ways.

Now the questions I have are how should/could he deal with her? Readers, what do you think would be a feasible solution for this friend of mine? You know what would be even better.  I want to hear from Party Girl. Would the things Sport mentioned in her post make you cringe or would you welcome them with open arms?

The Dirty Thirty: Manscaping

17 Jun

man· scaping [man-skeyping], (v.)   1. a mans grooming of his body hair.  2. grooming of a man’s nether regions.

Metrosexual is a term that’s so (to quote Fergie) 2000 and late. So why is manscaping still a topic of conversation? Because I brought it up! Just kidding. Honestly, inquiring minds want to know.

We’re in our 30’s. Much of life is about image, and I want to know just how far men are willing to push the envelope. When it comes to manscaping I’ve been hearing it all. On one hand, I’ve talk to men that consider it a toss up between comfort and confidence.Then, there were the men that found it as simple as wax or cream. I’m an electric razor kinda guy myself when it comes to BB and pellet, if you know what I mean.

It’s summertime. Many of you may feel the need to trim the shrubs for breathability. Others of you may like the tropical musk that you can only find in a rain forest. So the question is, how do you feel about manscaping? Is it necessary? How much is too much?

P.S. For those that are new to manscaping in general (bless your soul) check out this how to video.

All My Single Ladies…

3 Jun

By Sara Downey
Blogger of meanest look

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Now put your hands up and stop. You are out of control.

*in a super whiny voice*: If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it…

That song. Ugh. Girls, forget every bit of women’s lib you think that song is telling you. Stop acting crazy. With yesterday’s post about men and dating, it was only fair that I’d call out my girls today. 

The thing is, we’re awesome and attractive until we start living that song. Then we’re walking nag machines. We turn ourselves into the most unattractive monsters imaginable.

Independence is great, but you need to tame that shit. Let a man be a man. It’s not about being superior or constantly in control to impress your date. He’s already out with you. He likes you. Just be in the moment and enjoy.

It’s true what they say: we all know he wants a freak in the bedroom and a lady on the street. Ladies, your job is to know where to draw the line. Set the pace. This doesn’t mean to be a skankzilla when you meet his folks. It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t send him south between the sheets. You just have to know how to carry yourself in every situation.

All men aren’t the same – as in they are not your ex. Don’t treat this new guy like you treated your ex. Remember, he’s your ex for a reason.

While we’re on the subject of who he is-guess who doesn’t exist? Mr. Guy From My Dreams. He’s not out there and you’re missing out on the guy who may be dreamy if you hold on to the fantasy.

Put down the rule books and the “how to catch a man” research studies. Just put them down. Along with the Bedside Astrologer. Guess what? Geminis and Virgos can be great together. And you can actually make the first move. Guys actually love it when you do.

On that great first date: Have an opinion, but don’t be overly opinionated. *two snaps* Be assertive, be who you are, but don’t be a beeotch.

Be comfortable. Dress in something that has been given a test drive. Be sexy by wearing what you’re comfortable in. Be your best version of you, and he’s bound to think that’s sexy.

Don’t be afraid to be fun, but don’t be the faux fun girl. Be the cool you. There is nothing worse than being the girl that loves all the same things the boy likes on paper and then is secretly dying inside.

Be self-aware. Be right with yourself and you’ll find that you’re right for someone else. *three snaps*

Life is not a romantic comedy. Movies, o-good-effin-christ. Romantic comedies do not exist in real life. Just ask Sandra Bullock.

Bottom line: Let go of your should’ve, would’ve, could’ves. Fairy tales are fairy tales and a pop song is just a pop song. Didn’t you learn anything from High Fidelity?

Chivalry isn’t dead…or is it?

2 Jun

By theVar
Blogger of Straight My Tie

Guys, is it dead? I mean, I keep hearing about my girls going on dates and dealing with “supposedly” gentlemen that don’t open doors, pick up tabs, or give “gentle” kisses goodnight.  (Hello, it’s a FIRST date!) You don’t have to be someone you’re not, but you should make an attempt at being impressive.  Let’s face it.  The women know you’re not the guy in their dreams.  Who is?  But at least you’re being courteous and using what mom and grandma taught you.  Word to the wise–they want to see a guy that thinks about them first on the first date.  Yes. They are independent, and please don’t be intimidated by this.  It doesn’t mean they’re not looking for a gentleman.  Sometimes taking charge is just what you need to “get in the door”.  Just saying!

Know this, they want a 2 lane conversation.  Open up.  To do this you don’t have to be all sappy and give a depressing monologue or bullshit comments.  Trust me, she’s knows her eyes are pretty. Your reiteration doesn’t make ’em any nicer. Bring substance to the dialogue. What else does she care about, you ask? LOOK. NICE. Believe it or not, it’s as simple as taking the time to make sure your flip flops look good with your swim trunks at the pool.  You don’t have to go designer.  Just make sure your outfit fits your personality and meets the occasion.

Please, please, please smell good. You don’t have to smell like a cologne kiosk, just smell clean.  You won’t believe how far your detergent and a stroke of deodorant can go.  I’m here to tell ya, a loooonnnnnggg way! I mentioned opening doors before, and I have to go back to this.   It sounds trite, but it’s a sign of respect.  Don’t you want to make her squish? The pig will come out of me over and over in this article. What I’m about to say is no exception.  Opening doors can cause knee weakness–another step closer to panty dropping. Come on. Panty dropping with someone you want and really click with; isn’t that the goal.

Listening.  I can’t believe I waited until this point to talk about listening.  Nonetheless, listen mofo’s. Don’t just listen for the sake of seeming interested; listen with purpose.  If you want to get to know her, and more, all you have to do is (what?) ______. The future will mandate that you have a grasp on what she does and does not like. For example, if she mentions that she likes bike rides, and you pick her up, in your car mind you, and take her to a restaurant on a bike-riding-perfect day, you can kiss your McDreamy status, buh-bye! Dissemination of information cannot fall on deaf ears!

Let’s not forget cell phones. Pretend you don’t know about Alexander Gram Bell.  We’re in a technology age. Everyone get’s it; however, you’re on a first date. Your cell phone is not the object of desire. For either of you! If it’s important, excuse yourself–briefly. If not, put the bitch on silent or even vibrate. (I’ve heard it feels better that way). Just keep it out of the moment.  The moment = you + her.

I’m not going to beat a dead horse. Guys, women are giving you the  answer. She’s just one of the guys (so to speak). Give her the attention you’re giving your boys.  You’ll remember his comment about the last score of the World Series when the Rockies lost against the Red Sox for years to come.  Doesn’t she deserve the same interest and attention to detail from you?  Keep it real, gentlemen.  This doesn’t mean Dickwad.  Be Mr. Trying. Mr. Effort.  She notices. And that gets penis in her mouth. The question is “Will it be yours?”

Thirty and Fabulous?

28 May

Being a “party girl”…in my 30’s…the idea instantly makes me light up…OH! the overall “fun-ness” of having all the knowledge of my 20’s mixed in with an appetite for a social life that cannot be quenched and a face that most do not believe belongs to someone over 30. I love parties, I live for my social life – I cling to it, I crave it. I’m still a little stuck in a limbo of loving my 20’s and trying to transition into a more mature 30-something year old that many of my friends have talked to me about; however, I’ve learned to balance having insane fun and being a responsible, mature adult–not that most people would know that since all I show is the other side.

So as I’m writing this the image of a Sex and the City episode is flashing in my head. The one where Carrie does a “30 and Fabulous!” article/photo shoot and it ends up being a “30 and Fabulous?” (note the question mark) article, with the image of her rough from a night of partying and smoking and just looking extremely OLD… um…is that ME??

I haven’t stopped the GO, GO, GO since I got divorced in my mid 20’s from an over controlling man who didn’t let me have friends or a life of my own…I’m actually afraid that if I do stop and slow down, age will somehow catch up with me, manifest itself and somehow crawl out from under my bed and attack me, move me to suburbia and I will become my greatest fear…OLD and BORING.

Thirty. I still haven’t accepted it – even though I’m working up to 4 years into Team 30, I never hid the fact that I prayed to God to stop time, then tried to barter with the Devil to keep me in my 20’s. I cried on my 30th birthday like I was Ann Boleyn waiting for her execution and then put on the most scandalous outfit that I could possibly find to go toe to toe with Father Time and raged into my thirties with the conviction of a lunatic. All the while I was screaming in my head, “Please! I don’t want to grow up. Give me just a little longer!!!” Why am I one of those that has such a hard time with 30? Since I can remember I thought 30 was the dying age.  No man wants a girl in her THIRTIES for heaven’s sake. They leave their 30 year old girlfriend or wife and trade for a younger girl in her 20’s. How do I know this? My father was one of those men.

I have been a self proclaimed party girl since my divorce. I took my first single, unattached trips to Vegas in my 30’s. The first trip came 3 days fresh from a very bad break up. I now live for my “girls” trips to Las Vegas. How different that Vegas trip was when single, no one to answer to and I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted and with whom I wanted…the best part about it was that I didn’t even care what the hell their names were. I’ve been proposed to in Italian and French there by very rich and powerful men. And, I insulted them my laughing in their faces. Yes, they spent even more on me. I’ve been invited to fashion shows, given clothes that hadn’t even been put out for next season, VIP’d with the stars. (You get the picture!)  I admit it, I have been fortunate. I don’t have the Elite status of Paris Hilton or the look of an overly busty centerfold, but I do hold my own. It is a luxury that I earned in my super over crazy 20’s, working my way onto guest lists, VIP lists, getting my picture into columns and on websites until people knew my face and my name. My calculating 20 something days combined with an I don’t care I’ll do anything attitude have followed me into my 30-something years. I know how to be the “It” girl. I know how to spot that man that will buy me and my friends drinks and have him feel privileged he got to spend some money on me. When I am ON I am confident. I am invincible. I am wanted, coveted and untouchable. It is what I’m good at. I know THIS.

Thirty, as much as I tried to fight it, has brought me to a whole new level. I’m  “solid” with what I know, and I’m much more comfortable in my own skin (which I love to expose as much of as possible). I do look at the other end of the world of calming down…watching friend after friend announce they’re engaged, getting married, having kids, and as much as I’d like to be them, the thought of possibly being suffocated again freaks me out and sends me into a whirlwind panic attack. With a drink in my hand, music and a ton of people around I am free. In my freedom, I throw my head back and laugh with my whole being. Now, I know that being in your 30’s one should be thinking about settling down. Well, I’ll be happy to oblige with someone who understands that I need to let loose and have fun every once in a while. Someone who understands that I have a need to be looked at and wanted but will never actually allow anyone to touch. If that someone were to come along and choose to join his path with mine, that would be absofuckinlutely great – especially if that path has a party stop or two…with a touch of Vegas thrown in.

XOXO – PartyGirl34

Image courtesy of Ryan King.

Thirty is the new 16

20 May

When E.D. wrote in with a story about regressing back to teenage behavior, we knew she couldn’t be alone.

Age 30 causes teenage behavior to come back? Wait just a minute!

Well I’ve been 30 now for four months, which, by the way, was welcomed with one hell of a stomach virus…you can probably imagine what I was thinking – it can only get better from here, right? So after the terrible virus, everything was going pretty well at age 30 – I didn’t have too many complaints. That is until I decided to completely regress back to a previous decade.

From my recent 30-year-old experience, happened last Friday, I’m really hoping these crazy, raging teenage-like behaviors I’m dealing with will diminish soon.

Situation: At an awesome concert, a little intoxicated – I’m a 30-year-old single mom so I don’t get out much or drink much anymore – and the fantastic night ends with a little scene I decided to act out called, Drunk girlfriend gets pissed off boyfriend is talking to ex-girlfriend.


I’m pretty damn sure I haven’t done ANYTHING like that since oh, say, I was a teenager. I have now decided that the only possible explanation of this behavior is definitely because I am now 30. There can’t be any other reason I can think of, can you?

Man I felt like a complete idiot the next day when recalling yelling, screaming and making my sweet boyfriend feel like a piece of crap. He forgave my ridiculous behavior – thank goodness.

Yay for being 30 and Yay for teenage-like behaviors! Will they go away?

– E.D.

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