Tag Archives: #CFP

CFP! Help!

27 Jul

[tweetmeme source=”talkthirtytome” only_single=false]

Dearest CFP,

The Var and I have found ourselves in a bit of a pickle.

We submitted a spark for Ignite Denver 7 to talk for 5 minutes about Talk Thirty To Me. Then we realized that we didn’t know what the hell we’re doing. We need confidence, direction and most importantly, the sage advice of CFP.

Help!

XOXO,

Sport and TheVar


Hey!

I thought I told you never to email me agai… oh…OH HEY! My bad… I thought you were Kirk Montgomery.

I gotta be honest with you guys, I have no idea what the fuck Ignite Denver is or if I’d like to be associated with it. Ignite Denver sounds like a mile-high chlamydia epidemic and frankly the last thing I need is a burning sensation when I pee. Who’s running this thing? Are we getting paid? Ask them if they need a web developer. This fucking economy is killing me.

Whoa.. what the fu… 5 fucking minutes?! Go to hell!

P.S. – Seriously though, ask them if they need a web developer.

-CFP

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Ask Captain Falcon Punch!

20 May

Dear CFP,

How come the closer I get to 30 the more I dress like a colorblind republican? What can I do to refresh my wardrobe in a more age-appropriate and less “homeless soccer mom” kind of way?

Sincerely,

WTF am I going to wear

Dear WTF am I going to wear,

Check this shit out… wear whatever the fuck you want. What? Were you expecting some kind of magical answer? Nobody gives a fuck what you wear… especially when you’re thirty. Your youthful vitality stops at 30 because your built in “Fuck It” meter kicks into high gear and stomps on it like a roach in a tap dancing contest. Does that answer your question? Thanks for writing in!

– CFP

Ask Captain Falcon Punch!

17 May

Life is hard in your 30s.  I’ve got your back.

Your wayyyyyy back.

___

Dear Captain Falcon Punch,

How do I get my friend to see me as a romantic partner and not just one of the guys?

Signed,
Can’t Make The First Move

Dear CMTFM,
oh that’s easy. check this shit out : invite him over for dinner
then drug his meal
when he wakes up, stand over him wearing a Pokemon costume holding a whip and just say to him “You’re my bitch now…”
Easy as pie.

You’re Welcome,
CFP

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Captain Falcon Punch,

I have a friend who is gay. He isn’t out. I think he needs to come out of the closet. How can I help him?

Yours,
A Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,

check this shit out! invite the guy over for dinner and then take his coat. when he gets ready to leave for the night, make him go to the coat closet to get his coat and have a mannequin dressed like him in there holding a sign that says “Its ok”

fucking dope right?
i got a million ideas

XOXO,
CFP

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