Tag Archives: GLBT issues

Letter to Smokey on National Coming Out Day

11 Oct

It may seem weird to draft a letter to a fetus, but I’m pretty weird.  So here goes:

Hi punkin,

It’s mom. But I prefer that you call me Sport like everyone else. That shit will drive Grandma nutso. We’ll all have a really good laugh.

I wanted to tell you something very important about the world. I think it’s the single most important and possibly cynical thing I may ever let you in on.  It’s not that I’m necessarily misanthropic; it’s just that I’m a realist.  Well here it is, kid: People are stupid. I’m talking really, really stupid.  Not everyone, just a whole lot of them. You’re going to see this over and over in your life, and I want you to remember me telling you that, yeah, they’re dumb as shit.

There is really no other way to explain it and still have hope in humanity.


image courtesy of thisdirtyhood.blogspot.com


I don’t want you thinking that people are inherently heartless or evil.  I mean, why else would we live in a society that largely denies people that love each other marriage, just because they both have #peepees or #vags.

Why else would we have unchecked and tolerated bullying in our culture toward our friends that bang people of the same gender? Or our friends that look different? Or act differently?

It’s because they’re stupid, sweetie.  I really want you to remember that. And it’s your responsibility to not be stupid, and if you have the patience, to educate the really stupid kids around you. It’ll be tough. I’ve spent upwards of 30 years now trying not to be dumb and to decrease the stupidity around me. It’s an uphill battle.

And you being the smart one in a sea of dumbasses may lead to those kids picking on you.  Well fuck ’em. Mommy will teach you some really awesome ways to get back at them. I promise that you will never be in trouble if you get sent home for fighting if you pop a kid for being dumb. We’ll talk about better ways to handle conflict, but seriously, you can only take so much.

I’m new to this whole parenting thing, so I’m sure I’ll screw up a lot of stuff. However, I promise you that I will do my best to raise you right and give you a home full of compassion, love and tolerance.  Except for stupidity, I won’t tolerate that.

I will also promise you that if I ever hear you call someone a f*g, or say “that’s g*y” just because you heard one of those dumb kids say it, you will get your ass stomped. By me. Then I’ll hand you over to Uncle Var.



PS. for more information on what today means, visit HRC.org


Conversations on Pride

18 Jun

Every once in a while, I wonder what it’s like to be someone else. Especially people I admire. I wonder how people fit into life and all the little niches and communities we end up a part of. I’ve learned over the years that the best way to understand other people is to simply ask them to tell their story. And then listen. Closely. So without further adieu, I want you all to listen to The Var and his thoughts on being a gay man.

Hey Var, what’s it mean to be a gay man in your 30s?

Good question, Sport. With Denver Pride 2010 starting this weekend, I’ve found myself pondering this question a lot lately. Let’s start with the facts: I’m single, I hate gay bars, I love sex (yet, I’m not getting much lately—ouch!), being gay gives me wicked self-esteem anxiety at times, I feel an increasing need to be in a gym a lot due to the “gay image” despite the fact that I never do it (does our running/walking sessions count?), and I’m comfortable in my own skin.  I define being gay; I don’t let gay define me—especially not in my 30s. Hmmm, I guess the facts sum up how I view being gay in my 30s.

Is there a difference between just being a man in your 30s and a gay man in your 30s? I’m curious because I wonder how much of anyone’s self-image is decided by societies parameters of who we are supposed to be/ allowed to be. How does this play out for you?

I touched on this question in my first answer. Sidebar: Does this feel like an essay test to anyone else? Just sayin’. Anyhoo, I’d like to rephrase your question because gay or straight, we are all just men.  Now, is there a difference between being a hetero-man in your 30s and a gay man in your 30s—yes, annnd no. Yes because one likes penis, ahem, correction other guys penises more the other. Ha!! You like that, huh?! I know. In all seriousness, I feel one of the big differences is finding a suitable mate.  Some would say this is the same for both gay and hetero.  Really? If that’s true, get me a man bitches!  And they aren’t that much different because all men have image/body/weight/etc. issues once they hit their 30s. Not to mention the lack of boners due to the slowed sex drive for men you brought to the table the other day. For me, I’m just riding the wave. I learning to be truly happy with what I have and the rest is bound to follow.

Good Answer, Var. How do you think the TTTM community views themselves within this question?

That’s a toughie.  I can’t say one way or the other.  I will say that I hope we have the following that is open, understanding, empathetic, and supportive of everyone in our community.  The purpose of this blog is to bring varied voices together and share in relatable experiences.  To feel like you’re not alone.  Fortunately, the GLBT (and I’m sure I’m missing a letter of the acronym. Fine. I’ll just relinquish my queer card. Here. Take it) community members are a part of the TTTM community. You know, I hope the TTTM community views themselves as lucky and elite to live within this topic. Whether you’re pro or anti, we are all learning new things because a great dialogue fosters learning.

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