Tag Archives: Dan Savage

Does a man’s sexuality change in his 30s?

25 Jan


Straight from his mouth to God's ears.

You may think I made that up, but no! Someone actually found TTTM by searching for today’s blog title. First, I’d like to offer up, “Oh, man, thinking about the sexual conquest possibilities really makes me squish.” Clean up on aisle Var, please.


Anyhoo, I can only assume that this Googler, or whatever, was attempting to find out if men tend to come to terms with their sexual curiosity in their 30s more so than any other decade of existence. Personally, if someone were to say yes, I’d contend bollocks. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen, but that it happens when a person is comfortable enough with who they are and don’t worry about how the world views them. I’m not basing this on any statistics I’ve read or any specialists I’ve consulted. This is just my gut instinct.

Now this brings some questions to mind for me. 1.) Why would someone question their sexuality after 3 decades? 2.) <I pray the Googler is still following the blog, and if so, are you in a state of flux/questioning about your own sexuality? Do you have a friend experiencing this? Essentially, why did you google/yahoo/bing this string of terms? 3.) Hell, I want to know the answer to all of these when you substitute ‘woman’ for ‘man’. We’re dying to know your thoughts, so feel free to pipe up. In other words, comment. Do it!

I’ve gotta say I’m feeling very Dan Savage right now.


Sex positive? Yes, please.

2 Dec

I’ve had my ups and downs with my sexuality over the years. I identify as gay, but questioning moments did surface. There were a few years of celibacy after a nasty breakup during which time I thought I could possibly be straight. Then another guy came along and quelled all second guessing. I’m about to be 31, and I find myself pondering the true essence of my sexuality. How do this beast and I co-exist in the same space at the same time? I don’t limit my sexual attraction to just the testosterone laden, masculinity of the male form; women are just as beautiful.

Enter Sex Positive Movement

I’m a regular listener to Dan Savage on the Savage Love Podcast, and he’s constantly throwing the term Sex Positive around. The concept was always 100% irrelevant to me. Until now. I realize that I’ve been holding myself in a box by means of societal norms and expectations. Mainstream societal labels and definitions. This is not to say that I’m denouncing the fact of identifying as a gay man. Instead, I think it’s time I tweak that label and fill it out a bit.  Sex positive, gay man has a nice ring to it, eh? I’m all about diversity, differences, and individuality. I see it fitting to incorporate the notion of sex positive into my sex life since it agrees with these variables, as well.

Now to the catalyst for this post and ponderings. I recently had a pseudo-sexual encounter with a woman. That’s right. A woman. Weird, huh? Maybe for you. For me it felt as natural as beating my meat to get my day started. In all honesty, it was quite a liberating experience. Let me back up for a moment. When I say ‘pseudo-sexual encounter’, I mean that there was more than just kissing involved. No penetration or orgasm. We were just sexual. God and Goddess-like. I’ve always talked to friends about how I find women attractive–especially boobs–but nothing has ever really happened other than the occasional kiss here or there. Those kisses were mostly just for fun though. You know, shock value. This recent foray was more though. It opened doors to possibilities I’d only contemplated turning the knob on before.

The Sex Positive Movement is more than just polyamory and identifying as gay, straight, bi, queer, etc. It’s an embracing of what makes you happy within the confines of a safe and secure environment. It’s about respect. At this point in my life, I am still quite monogamous by nature. However, I understand that open dialogue and honesty (with yourself and others) will help us reap benefits 10 times over. What I’m trying to say is date and be merry. Explore the simple things in life that make you happy, wrap it up and stay safe, and become the individual, sexually and non-sexually, you were meant to be.

Are you paying attention? He died.

30 Sep

Okay, Scoundrels. I want to get serious for just a moment. This sex-video suicide at Rutgers University has really disturbed me today. Tyler Clementi’s situation is nothing new under the sun; however, shocking nonetheless. There has been an increasing number of case involving young suicide related to bullying and sexuality. WTF? Why are these kids having such a hard time in this day and age?

But I don’t blame the bully-ers. I blame their parents.

I’m going to keep this brief. My goal isn’t to preach to you. I do want to say my piece, though. Diversify your child’s life. You and your friends are not the only “types” of people in this world. Hell, chances are  (nowadays anyway) there really is only six degrees of separation from you and a homosexual in every direction. Introduce your children to them. Homosexual people are no different than anyone else. I am living proof. I have an incredible circle of friends–98% heterosexual, by the way– that are accepting, loving, caring, and in no way different from myself. This hate shit is other-worldly to me. I don’t understand. I have had very little experience with it. I do, and repeat I DO, know it exists, but I also know that it’s not that hard to conquer.

For those of you with loved ones that are homosexual and experiencing bullying and hate in any way because of their sexuality, educate them. Make sure they understand It Gets Better! (Thank you Dan Savage for such a powerful message and educational, yet relatable, tool for gay youth. *Hat Tip*)

Yeah, so that’s my soap box, Scoundrels. I tried not to, but if it came off preachy, so fucking be it. I don’t see the point in such foolishness. You know what? Be like that frog that grew wings for the sake of not bumping his ass every time he hopped.

Are you paying attention? He died.

I’m done.

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