Letter to Smokey on National Coming Out Day

It may seem weird to draft a letter to a fetus, but I’m pretty weird.  So here goes:

Hi punkin,

It’s mom. But I prefer that you call me Sport like everyone else. That shit will drive Grandma nutso. We’ll all have a really good laugh.

I wanted to tell you something very important about the world. I think it’s the single most important and possibly cynical thing I may ever let you in on.  It’s not that I’m necessarily misanthropic; it’s just that I’m a realist.  Well here it is, kid: People are stupid. I’m talking really, really stupid.  Not everyone, just a whole lot of them. You’re going to see this over and over in your life, and I want you to remember me telling you that, yeah, they’re dumb as shit.

There is really no other way to explain it and still have hope in humanity.

 

image courtesy of thisdirtyhood.blogspot.com

 

I don’t want you thinking that people are inherently heartless or evil.  I mean, why else would we live in a society that largely denies people that love each other marriage, just because they both have #peepees or #vags.

Why else would we have unchecked and tolerated bullying in our culture toward our friends that bang people of the same gender? Or our friends that look different? Or act differently?

It’s because they’re stupid, sweetie.  I really want you to remember that. And it’s your responsibility to not be stupid, and if you have the patience, to educate the really stupid kids around you. It’ll be tough. I’ve spent upwards of 30 years now trying not to be dumb and to decrease the stupidity around me. It’s an uphill battle.

And you being the smart one in a sea of dumbasses may lead to those kids picking on you.  Well fuck ’em. Mommy will teach you some really awesome ways to get back at them. I promise that you will never be in trouble if you get sent home for fighting if you pop a kid for being dumb. We’ll talk about better ways to handle conflict, but seriously, you can only take so much.

I’m new to this whole parenting thing, so I’m sure I’ll screw up a lot of stuff. However, I promise you that I will do my best to raise you right and give you a home full of compassion, love and tolerance.  Except for stupidity, I won’t tolerate that.

I will also promise you that if I ever hear you call someone a f*g, or say “that’s g*y” just because you heard one of those dumb kids say it, you will get your ass stomped. By me. Then I’ll hand you over to Uncle Var.

XOXO,

Sport

PS. for more information on what today means, visit HRC.org

Are you paying attention? He died.

Okay, Scoundrels. I want to get serious for just a moment. This sex-video suicide at Rutgers University has really disturbed me today. Tyler Clementi’s situation is nothing new under the sun; however, shocking nonetheless. There has been an increasing number of case involving young suicide related to bullying and sexuality. WTF? Why are these kids having such a hard time in this day and age?

But I don’t blame the bully-ers. I blame their parents.

I’m going to keep this brief. My goal isn’t to preach to you. I do want to say my piece, though. Diversify your child’s life. You and your friends are not the only “types” of people in this world. Hell, chances are  (nowadays anyway) there really is only six degrees of separation from you and a homosexual in every direction. Introduce your children to them. Homosexual people are no different than anyone else. I am living proof. I have an incredible circle of friends–98% heterosexual, by the way– that are accepting, loving, caring, and in no way different from myself. This hate shit is other-worldly to me. I don’t understand. I have had very little experience with it. I do, and repeat I DO, know it exists, but I also know that it’s not that hard to conquer.

For those of you with loved ones that are homosexual and experiencing bullying and hate in any way because of their sexuality, educate them. Make sure they understand It Gets Better! (Thank you Dan Savage for such a powerful message and educational, yet relatable, tool for gay youth. *Hat Tip*)

Yeah, so that’s my soap box, Scoundrels. I tried not to, but if it came off preachy, so fucking be it. I don’t see the point in such foolishness. You know what? Be like that frog that grew wings for the sake of not bumping his ass every time he hopped.

Are you paying attention? He died.

I’m done.