Tag Archives: NPR

This Ain’t NPR. We Say F*cked Up Sh*t

3 Nov

I had something else I wanted to talk about, but I’m going to save that for a later date, when I have a clearer mind. So for today, we’re going to talk about opinions (if you don’t want to hear mine, close your browser
and step away from the computer).

We walk to the beats of our drums. We learned from the best, er, wha?

We all have them, and I respect you for having yours. Just don’t get butt hurt (I understand this could have been caused by the anal sex you had last night, but for the sake of this post, well…) when I state mine or Sport states hers. Hahaha…and please, don’t get all jaw-dropped when we walk away from your incessant chattering, because we don’t want to hear yours either. #justsayin’ Continue reading

27 May

30. Kids half my age can legally drive.
I use the term “kids” to describe anyone younger than me.
28. Vampire Weekend seems like a cool band, but I’m pretty sure I would be
confused for someone’s dad if I went to the show.
27. Baldness.
26. It was easier to figure out how old we were prior to 2000 by doing simple subtraction.  Now I get confused and still think that 1995 was a few years back.  It’s not.  It was a decade-and-a-half ago.  Time to start organizing my high school class 20th reunion.
25. Instead of cheat-sheet notes on my TI-85 for math tests, now you can just txt ur frenz.  OMG!
24. I know what OMG means.
23. As well as LMAO, ROFL, TTYL and BRB.  WTF is ZOMG?
22. Waitstaff generally refer to me as “sir” and no longer ask for ID.
21. I can still party like I’m 21, but for the two-day hangover.
20. Skinny jeans, not allowed.
19. Smoking is still cool, but much more difficult to get away with in front of some of your friends.
18. Watching the MTV Top 20 Video Countdown was the key to what was going on in the world.  Now I’d rather listen to NPR.
17. Mom still wonders what I did last night.
16. I still fib a little.
15. Making my bed makes me feel like I’m doing it for reasons other than being nagged; like someone special might end up there later if I make the sheets and pillows match up just right.
14. Home Depot.
13. Apres ski is usually more appealing than all-day-ski.
12. Buying books and wearing glasses makes me feel cool and sophisticated.  So does wearing a suit and picking up the tab.
11. My back hurts from sitting at work too much.
10. I experience a secret joy when someone refers to me as “young man”.
9. Taco Bell is still a great idea at 2am.
8. Many of my friends have children.  Lots of them.  And they can talk.
7. It’s not a problem if nobody calls on Saturday night.  SNL and a bowl of popcorn are always a viable option.
6. Paying bills sucks, but not as much as the inability to do so.
5. “Dude”, “chick”, “awesome” and “dope” are still part of the vernacular.  “Rad”, not so much.
4. I still dream of being one of the Goonies.
3. My 401(k) kicks ass!
2. Is it still feasible to backpack around Europe without breaking out the Platinum VISA card?
1. I can make a ridiculous list like this while consuming a few drinks on a Tuesday night and have no problem going to work in the morning.  Unless I make another list.


Image courtesy of Ryan King.

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