Are you paying attention? He died.

30 Sep

Okay, Scoundrels. I want to get serious for just a moment. This sex-video suicide at Rutgers University has really disturbed me today. Tyler Clementi’s situation is nothing new under the sun; however, shocking nonetheless. There has been an increasing number of case involving young suicide related to bullying and sexuality. WTF? Why are these kids having such a hard time in this day and age?

But I don’t blame the bully-ers. I blame their parents.

I’m going to keep this brief. My goal isn’t to preach to you. I do want to say my piece, though. Diversify your child’s life. You and your friends are not the only “types” of people in this world. Hell, chances are  (nowadays anyway) there really is only six degrees of separation from you and a homosexual in every direction. Introduce your children to them. Homosexual people are no different than anyone else. I am living proof. I have an incredible circle of friends–98% heterosexual, by the way– that are accepting, loving, caring, and in no way different from myself. This hate shit is other-worldly to me. I don’t understand. I have had very little experience with it. I do, and repeat I DO, know it exists, but I also know that it’s not that hard to conquer.

For those of you with loved ones that are homosexual and experiencing bullying and hate in any way because of their sexuality, educate them. Make sure they understand It Gets Better! (Thank you Dan Savage for such a powerful message and educational, yet relatable, tool for gay youth. *Hat Tip*)

Yeah, so that’s my soap box, Scoundrels. I tried not to, but if it came off preachy, so fucking be it. I don’t see the point in such foolishness. You know what? Be like that frog that grew wings for the sake of not bumping his ass every time he hopped.

Are you paying attention? He died.

I’m done.


13 Responses to “Are you paying attention? He died.”

  1. Sport September 30, 2010 at 3:59 pm #

    With all due respect to your opinion, I can only half agree. The roommate who broadcast the video was 18. An adult. Albeit an immature one, but an adult nonetheless. At what point do we hold these little twats accountable for their actions?

    I agree that it is a parent’s responsibility to raise their children as decent and tolerant people who can value the lives of all others as their own.

    But my parents weren’t exactly “open-minded” until I, as a strong minded and free thinking teenager, influenced their opinions by bringing home a diverse group of friends.

    To me, it boils down to everyone needs to stop being a bunch of assholes to each other.

    • theVar September 30, 2010 at 4:42 pm #

      Again, maturity starts in the home. I’m who I am because my parents invested and fought with me (tooth and nail at times) and nurtured. That’s what these kids seemed to lack. That togetherness one should get from the familial.

  2. morouxshi September 30, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

    I dont think theVar is suggesting anybody give the roomate a free-pass, Sport.

    I think he’s just more preoccupied with how something like a sex tape, which has in many cases been the basis for a person’s career (I’m looking at you Paris Hilton), have a person thinking at any point that suicide is an option.

    • theVar September 30, 2010 at 4:30 pm #

      Morouxshi, it boils down to all of these kids upbringings. Suicide? Sex tapes? Really? Tyler should have been able to talk to his family about this, and not turn to people in a fucking chat room. And for the other two, if they would have had their asses spanked, they probably wouldn’t have been so fucking dubious and hateful.

  3. SandyHens September 30, 2010 at 4:31 pm #

    I couldn’t agree more with Sport’s last comment sentence: “To me, it boils down to everyone needs to stop being a bunch of assholes to each other.”

    There’s no magic formula. The bottom line is the hate has to stop…it may start with parents, but that’s only part of the equation and there’s never be one blanket cause, or fix, for an atrocious situation like this.

    • theVar October 1, 2010 at 9:52 am #

      There may not be a magic formula, SandyHens, but people like you thinking about it and sharing thoughts get us that much closer to sifting through the heady opinions and responses to such a tragic situation.

  4. DwayneD September 30, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    Yeah, I’m with TheVar; both sets of parents are to blame.

    The creeps that got this guy to kill himself were obviously missing something on the proper home-training front (go spankings: they’re an act of love). But the parents/fam of the dead are to blame on some level as well. Sure, they may not be open minded, but call me an East Coast liberal when I say that this is the unfortunate and ultimate price of any closed-mindedness. If your offspring can’t come to you and complain that a voyeur secretly taped you hooking up with someone, and ask for guidance and support, then you’re unfit/you’ve failed as a parent.

    Rutgers is also to blame. My undergrad had facilities for emo support which schools today need to spend resources on, especially schools as well funded at Rutgers. Whether it’s deans that know and talk to their students, Resident Counselors, a counselling centre, or something, the most important factor of sending a kid to a sleep-away school is making sure they know that they’re not alone when things go wrong – or right. It shouldn’t take tragedies to spawn such programs.

    To conclude, parenting is more than feeding and clothing a kid. It’s making a person, which is an entity that can exist and thrive within society. Parents need to make offspring that’s ready to stand on their own in the face of awful adversity. If they get crushed by nastiness like this, you pick them back up the first time, and then teach them to pick themselves back up. If you see a mean streak, you learn them out of it. It’s A LOT of work, but its situations like this which lead me to believe that failure isn’t really an option.

    *PS, people need to stop hatin’. And they need home training.

  5. michellefrommadison September 30, 2010 at 11:57 pm #

    Enough is enough because he had the ability to log off and he failed to log off. Is he a victim? Not in my book.

    • theVar October 1, 2010 at 9:45 am #

      michellefrommadison, that is correct, but as a teenager, viable options/concrete decisions aren’t always readily available to the maturing mind. Is he a victim? Maybe not in your book, but there is no doubt in my mind you are sympathetic to his plight and those of the other two kids invovled.
      And if I’m wrong, which I very well could be, then more power to your hard-core, fuckthatshit, self. *shoulders shrug*

    • Spencer K October 1, 2010 at 10:11 am #

      I’m assuming by “he” you mean Clementi – your antecedent is dangling – and, well, he’s certainly the victim of a crime. The roommate and accomplice have been charged with invasion of privacy. And if the AG can determine bias or other culpability, there will be other charges. His sexuality didn’t make him a victim. The malice and indifference of his persecutors made him a victim.

  6. Spencer K October 1, 2010 at 9:20 am #

    I have to say that I think it’s no coincidence that these things are happening now, in our current political climate. The Right runs amok with unchecked messages of hate and rage and the toothless so-called Left is incapable of holding them accountable. The Culture Wars have a bodycount. It’s tragic and obscene that queer youth are paying the price for the grown up world’s incapacity to keep it civil.

    • theVar October 1, 2010 at 9:48 am #

      Spencer, thank your for widening the scope of this conversation. That’s an angle I didn’t even take into consideration. Culture Wars do have a body count, and we need to become more acutely aware of the collateral damage.

  7. Becky October 1, 2010 at 11:23 am #

    I was mixed up with my own shit yesterday and didn’t see this important thread or the conversation that accompanied it.

    Here’s the deal: WE ARE ALL HUMAN BEINGS – each one of us familiar with the devastation of humiliation.
    Whether gay or straight, posting someone’s exploits on a public forum without their consent is completely reprehensible.

    I’m sickened by the loss that the family of Tyler Clementi has experienced and will experience in the months and years to come.

    We must consider, in everything we do, what and how it may hurt others.
    Handle with care, mother fuckers! We’re all special breathing entities that are desperately trying to keep it together in this difficult landscape.


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