Letter to Smokey on National Coming Out Day

11 Oct

It may seem weird to draft a letter to a fetus, but I’m pretty weird.  So here goes:

Hi punkin,

It’s mom. But I prefer that you call me Sport like everyone else. That shit will drive Grandma nutso. We’ll all have a really good laugh.

I wanted to tell you something very important about the world. I think it’s the single most important and possibly cynical thing I may ever let you in on.  It’s not that I’m necessarily misanthropic; it’s just that I’m a realist.  Well here it is, kid: People are stupid. I’m talking really, really stupid.  Not everyone, just a whole lot of them. You’re going to see this over and over in your life, and I want you to remember me telling you that, yeah, they’re dumb as shit.

There is really no other way to explain it and still have hope in humanity.


image courtesy of thisdirtyhood.blogspot.com


I don’t want you thinking that people are inherently heartless or evil.  I mean, why else would we live in a society that largely denies people that love each other marriage, just because they both have #peepees or #vags.

Why else would we have unchecked and tolerated bullying in our culture toward our friends that bang people of the same gender? Or our friends that look different? Or act differently?

It’s because they’re stupid, sweetie.  I really want you to remember that. And it’s your responsibility to not be stupid, and if you have the patience, to educate the really stupid kids around you. It’ll be tough. I’ve spent upwards of 30 years now trying not to be dumb and to decrease the stupidity around me. It’s an uphill battle.

And you being the smart one in a sea of dumbasses may lead to those kids picking on you.  Well fuck ’em. Mommy will teach you some really awesome ways to get back at them. I promise that you will never be in trouble if you get sent home for fighting if you pop a kid for being dumb. We’ll talk about better ways to handle conflict, but seriously, you can only take so much.

I’m new to this whole parenting thing, so I’m sure I’ll screw up a lot of stuff. However, I promise you that I will do my best to raise you right and give you a home full of compassion, love and tolerance.  Except for stupidity, I won’t tolerate that.

I will also promise you that if I ever hear you call someone a f*g, or say “that’s g*y” just because you heard one of those dumb kids say it, you will get your ass stomped. By me. Then I’ll hand you over to Uncle Var.



PS. for more information on what today means, visit HRC.org


6 Responses to “Letter to Smokey on National Coming Out Day”

  1. Lady Crush October 11, 2010 at 2:22 pm #

    A+++ for tolerance lessons in the womb. You’re off to a great start, mama!

    But what I like even more is that you included hashtags in your blog post. #ftw

  2. Becky October 11, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

    Is it weird that this made me shivery with goosebumps and made me tear up a touch.
    Fuck it…being emotional about something as important as this is A-OK in my book!

    Love it, Sport!

  3. ECD October 11, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    You the best Mama Sport! So well put and said – I’m not sure what to say. :) It’s amazing how many stupid people we are surrounded by on a daily basis. I am also trying NOT be one of them and teach my lil punkin’ to be one sweet, cute, smart, compassionate, caring and AWESOME person!
    Good thing she’s got Aunt Sara to back me up on this one! I’m sending her to you and Mike, and Uncle Var when she’s really bad, when she acts up from now on!

  4. lorrie October 11, 2010 at 2:40 pm #

    one of my more proud moments recently was when, in the course of some conversation i hadn’t been paying attention to, m reminded k that “boys can marry boys, remember?”

  5. dulcedementia October 11, 2010 at 3:30 pm #

    This seriously made me tear up. You are going to be an amazing mother.

  6. lilgreenfish October 11, 2010 at 7:17 pm #

    Hate to burst your bubble, but it’s not weird to to write to your fetus. :P Either that or pretty much everyone I know is weird. Which I suppose is also possible.

    This, though, I think is one of the rockingest letters to a fetus I have ever read. And totally a worthwhile topic. The ex and I are instilling this in our daughter. Which is helped by the fact that a large number of my ex’s friends are gay, so she’s grown up around same-sex couples, and thinks they’re normal.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: