Tag Archives: alone time

Ugh. The Holidays Are Coming

18 Nov

Nom, nom, nom, bitches

Sigh. To everyone: Eat a dick along with your turkey next week.

I hate the holidays.

I hate the crap, the materialism, the BS influx in vapid consumerism, the drama, the generic social transactions – bah frickin’ humbug!

I just do not see any reason why I should spend a day off driving all over the state to visit the various households of my broken family on the last Thursday of November to eat stuff I can get year-round at Boston Market.  Perhaps if I were bringing blankets of small pox- but to eat? Hell no.

What’s more? A simple cost/benefit analysis for said travel and meal ends up proving it’s not worth the money burned in fuel to arrive at the destination. Yeah, I know it’s about “family time.” #Boopussy.

I don’t have anything against my family, they’re cool. But you know what I like to do on a rare weekday off? Watch old episodes of Law & Order and eat on the couch wearing #nopants.

This year, I’ll be joining the Sig O’s fam for festivities. Five bucks says I end up talking about how heavy my tits are these days, or threaten to slap Mike with my placenta. Because, you know,  I’m the queen of social graces. I’ll do my best to enjoy it, but honestly, I think everyone is super selfish for making me give up my pantless L&O marathon to socialize and build memories.  Dicks.

And I’m not hating on you if you la la la la love you some family holidays. Do your thing and enjoy. Just don’t get pissed if I don’t want to drive all over God’s Green Earth to join your festivities.

I guess I’ve had good Thanksgivings. There was that time Matthew and I went to 7-11 to buy 40s and that amazeballs year in Queens with Phil.  But mostly, for me, it’s a day that just falls flat.

Scoundrels, where do you stand on this one? Alone time, or smother yourself with familial bonding?

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