Should I leave or should I go?

4 May

“Eye of The Tiger” is playing in the background. I’m leading the team as we’re running down the tunnel. We step out and just before I close my eyes, a cool breeze brushes across my cheek. Then…rip–right through the paper hung under the field goal post. The topper: said papter is decorated in glitter, rainbows, and the words (finger-painted in some foreign(?) secretion) Bitches, wee’rrrre baaaaccckkkkk!!!! 

Don’t judge my pre-game fantasy. This is our first post in a coupla months. I’m entitled. Now on to why you’re here. The thirty talk.


My choice is go w/ hands flailing, eyes closed, and mouth open. Just be careful of the bugs. #yuck

So, last night I got a pleasant, surprise call from a bestie. We’ll call her Kimchi. (Sidenote: If you knew how spot on racist this was, you’d be in a fit of laughter with me right now.) You see, Kimchi has called Denver her home for her entire 32 years of life and simply needs a change. I don’t know about you, but I get it. Hell, I don’t know how she lasted this long. I left Georgia on the first underground railroad car I could stow away on. She needs similar escape and to experience more in life. To grab the unknown by the balls and face fuck it.

Two days into her decision to choose the 3rd largest city in the good ol’ US of A to move to she started to panic. What if this is a bad decision? How can she leave a career that she’s worked so hard on with a stable company? What about not having the same support system in her new city? Will she make enough money to maintain the new-city-equivalent lifestyle  as she has in Denver? WHAT. IF. SHE .FAILS? <<<<I want to stay here for a moment. Let’s think about the role this question plays on the stage of life-changing decisions. Just marinate

After an hour and a half or so of conversing, she’d gone from panic mode  to loose preparation. I’m sure this isn’t without a modicum of anxiety for her; however, she’s thinking it through. Storyboarding, mapping, planning, whatever you want to call it–she’s doing it.

I bring this subject up today because I’m thinking that many of us have been here. I’ve been going through it myself since I quit my job 5 months ago. What age do we stop moving around from place to place and job to job? Especially those of us that are childless, marriage-less, and without any real anchors. When you hit 30, should you just settle with your current job if it’s safe and secure? Or is it okay to live on the edge a little if the mood strikes you? I mean, we’re not in our 20s anymore when being careless was a viable and totally reasonable option.

Scoundrels, are you ready to talk thirty again? GO!


22 Responses to “Should I leave or should I go?”

  1. Jennifer May 4, 2011 at 4:35 pm #

    Short and sweet: With risk, comes reward. I’m living proof.

    • theVar May 4, 2011 at 5:00 pm #

      That’s so true, Jennifer. And let’s face it, life would be pretty boring without risk. In Kimchi’s case, though, she leads a pretty fulfilling life. Dammit, now I’m vacillating.

  2. Johnny L. Grant May 4, 2011 at 5:03 pm #

    Very well put, sir. You have an interesting take on a subject that hits close to home! Can’t wait to see where T30TM takes this… peace.

    • theVar May 4, 2011 at 5:18 pm #

      Thanks, Johnny. Stick around. This ride is bound to be a roller coaster of doozy. ;)

  3. Just Jane May 4, 2011 at 5:05 pm #

    I was 34 when I did it. Gave up the job and the apartment and practically everything in the apartment, cashed out my retirement, and just went with it.

    Best. Decision. Ever.

    Terrifying and freeing at the same time.

    • theVar May 4, 2011 at 5:15 pm #

      Jane, you just made me swoon. (Ahem! Kimchi, if you’re reading this, take note.)

  4. michelle May 4, 2011 at 7:16 pm #

    Just the thought of cashing out my 401K makes me queasy – yet I admire those who can take the risk and reap the reward. I am a little more conservative, but with only one year left in the great realm of THIRTY I am thinking I have to do something grand soon.

    • theVar May 4, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

      Cashing out the 401k is never bueno. And yes, I agree. Go BIG or go home. Make this last year of your thirties the best one to-date. Show us thirty-newbies how to do it. :) (I expect details!)

      • Just Jane May 5, 2011 at 7:21 am #

        While I don’t advocate (generally) cashing out the retirement, I have no regrets…but I never did really expect to be able to retire *laugh*.

        • theVar May 5, 2011 at 9:26 am #

          LOL…well, when you put it that way, Jane.

  5. Christine May 4, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    I just did this. Two months ago I quit an amazing job at a good company with awesome coworkers, and moved across the country to Denver. I’m still working on some things, but so far it has been worth it. Scary, but worth it.

    • theVar May 4, 2011 at 11:03 pm #

      Denver is the city to make it happen. I’m glad it’s working out for you, Christine. Here’s to more amazing things that are bound to happen for you. *clink*

  6. Janel May 4, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

    You don’t have to be single to go through these changes. Sometimes people with partners take a leap. My hubby is currently taking that step (31) and I’m along for the ride. He was kind enough to walk me through my fears and “what ifs”, but I would rather him grow and be challenged then sit in “security” and be stifled.

    • theVar May 4, 2011 at 11:01 pm #

      Good point, Janel. As much as I’d like to say “us” here, I know I can’t. So, “I” forget that your relationship status doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Thanks for giving a different perspective. How are things going for you and your husband in this transition?

      • Bryan a.k.a. Hubby May 7, 2011 at 7:07 pm #

        It has been like riding a bucking bronco. Monday will be my first full week working at home for this startup…

  7. Lexee Booshay May 5, 2011 at 8:28 am #

    This indeed is a spot on subjcet for us ‘thirties.’ I find in interesting that most use age as rationale for their choices. Fuck age. Fuck what most do. And fuck being scared. If you don’t fuck these things, they will fuck you!

    • theVar May 5, 2011 at 3:31 pm #

      Amen, sister. Say it again.

  8. Henny Penny May 5, 2011 at 8:31 am #

    I spent my 20s thinking that taking the leap was akin to the lemmings life, and I might as well stay here than plummet to my doom. So I planned, plotted, and made exceptionally responsible choices. Now here I am at 30 with a house payment, a husband (who is luckily captain awesome), and a pot-luck social looming on the horizon. I’ve not lived anywhere but Colorado.
    Yet the past year has brought frequent flashes of my childhood dreams, to live in all the major cities, perhaps to even become a citizen of another nation. It’s hard to buck the stability I have put in place. However that’s just what I’m doing. Captain Awesome and I are making our way around the nation over the next 6 months to decide where we want to move. Then we’ll leap with all the other daring lemmings and see what there is to see. In the end I think it comes down to one simple concept, nothing is permanent but change, so why not help change out a little?

    • theVar May 5, 2011 at 3:37 pm #

      I’m with you. Giving change that nudge is what the doctor ordered. Would you say “the leap” or change is easier when you have a partner to do it with? Do you think you would have been as apt to seek out this change if you weren’t married?

  9. Vaguelycool May 5, 2011 at 9:59 am #

    I think contemplating taking the leap is worse than taking the leap. I leaped (leapt?) from the other side of the WORLD 16 years ago this summer…..BEST THING I EVER DID EVER, EVER. Face it. You leap, you land, you don’t stay in mid-air for the rest of time….it’s just physics people.

    • theVar May 5, 2011 at 3:35 pm #

      We’re glad you’re here, Vaguelycool.

      And you’re right, it is physics. When you put it that way, taking the leap makes sense.

  10. Erin May 31, 2011 at 4:24 pm #

    I’ve moved around all my life, I don’t think I’ve stayed in a city longer than 9 years or so. You get used to it after a while, but you feel as if you’re missing out on those wonderful life long friendships that others have. I’m envious of people who have lived in the same place all there life, and I get excited for them when they’ve decided to venture out and explore other cities. I’m hoping that Denver is where I stay and plant my roots, fingers crossed!

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