Our Top 30 of 2010

20 Dec

We decided it only befitting of our big fat mouths to give you scoundrels a run down of the 30 events that caught our attention this year. Hang on tight, and chime in with your take on these events.

In no particular order…

LOST Finale – The finale was the only episode of LOST we ever watched. We have to admit,  it was good. That said, we still don’t get what all the hoopla was about.

Elections –  The GOP got all up in that shit this mid-term election.  Um, that’s sorta the only nice thing we have to say about that.

Ignite Denver – BAM, son!

Getting Knocked Up –  Sigh. Sport’s procreating. That’s both scary and awesome. Woot, Smokey The Bear The Person! (The baby’s gender reveal is this week. Soooo excited!)

Take This Job and Shove It – Hmmmm, it didn’t actually go like that. theVar did save face, but he crop dusted the place and left a steamer in his boss’s desk. You know how that ninja <–[sub racial pejorative here] gets down.

Happy Hour – Whoa! That seemed forever ago. We think it’s time for another, or something to see all of you scoundrels in person again. So fun. So fun.

Jersey Shore – Someone please explain why you would spend any amount of time watching these morons? Seriously, we’re not getting it. And really, “The Situation” did a safe sex PSA with Bristol Palin? Doesn’t that seem beyond ridiculous to anyone else?

Bieber Fever – LILTF (Lesbian I’d Like to Fuck)…when she’s of age, of course. What? It’s the hair. You know it’s the hair.

Taylor Swift – We hate this little girl.  But we think Swift and Bieber should hook up and finish high school or something.

Beatles on iTunes – So the Beatles weren’t available to their adoring fans before? It was a classic case of “yeah, it’s cool, I already imported the Revolver album into my library anyway.’ We’re still scratching our heads as to why Apple hyped this in the way they did, and why the hell boomers actually bought that shit.

iPad / iPhone “can you believe they released both this year” – We can, and neither of us own either. We’re poor, bitches. With that being said, would you like to give each of us an iPad for Christmas? *bats eyes* pleeeeaaassseeeeee

Haiti earthquake – No joke here. Haiti was hit hard by the earthquake and the after effects including a recent Cholera outbreak. Not funny at all. If you’re looking to help, you can still donate to The Red Cross.


The World Cup / Those GD Horns – If we have to hear another vuvuzela (pronounced VULVA) again, we’ll gladly gouge our ears out. Can one gouge their ears out? We’ve heard of eyes, but ears? Well, we’ll be the first. Tandem dammit.

Royal Engagement – Okay, it’s sorta romantic. Contrived, but romantic. Cutie pie Prince William gives Kate his momma’s ring.  Yeah, that’s sweet. And dang, that girl sure waited for it.  We give 10 years.

The Competing Engagements of Nick & Jessica – After the Chicken of the Sea incident, you’d think these two would have learned their lessons. Nick. Jessica. Suck dicks and catch gonosyphilitis in the mouth. Your 2 minutes of Reality Super-loser-dom is over. Buh-bye!

GLEE – Two of our favorite pastimes wrapped into one: TV & Musicals. Squeeeeee! If you guys are gleeking out on this show, then…then…we’ll get back to you on that one. Just watch the effing thing. So. Good.

Oh Jack, how we miss you!

24 finale – We spent the second half of the final season watching 24 at Sport’s place. If you could have heard the oooo’s and ahhhh’ as we drooled over the anticipation and excitement before, during, and after every episode. FOX, why did you have to take 24 away? Whhyyyyyyy??? *tears*

Saints Win The Super Bowl – Hot dayumn, NOLA!  A historic win to lift a city up after the tragedy of Katrina? Or Drew Brees just had one helluva year? Either way, Who dat, who dat, who dat!

Winter Olympics – We didn’t watch  it. Movin’ on.

Charley Miller for CO Senate: Stop tw-rassing  us! – This guy decided to follow every Twitter account we’d created and was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde about it. Follow today, unfollow tomorrow–desperate for our attention it seemed. We even talked smack in hopes he’d lose our scent. The bastard was relentless.

New Twitter – Moment passed. Hootsuite? TweetDeck? Yes, please.

Facebook / MySpace – We’re not sure what the full extent of this partnering entails. Honestly, we don’t even care. Why can’t MySpace just slither under a rock and die like so many of its predecessors and contemporaries?

Ummm what?

New GAP Logo – One word: WOWZA! Just in case you were wondering what ever happened to the thing, the public showed Gap who’s the boss. Personally, we think Gap played with our cerebral cortexes for publicity. Question: If it was a tried and true rebranding attempt, who was the agency behind such a horrible design concept?

RockMelt – We love you. Wanna make babies? Such a great idea despite the slow factor of the browsing experience oftentimes. :/

Icelandic Volcano – Not cool, Iceland. Not cool. Not only did that volcano strand Sport and Mama Sport in Ireland, but–wait, actually that was pretty cool.  And the cats nailed it over at SNL !

British Tuition Hikes Protests – Ha hahaha British folks are wild. I like how the media caught footage of one yahoo chanting “off with their heads” at Prince Charles and Camilla. Good times.

Lindsay Lohan in Rehab – She hasn’t OD’d yet? Because she should consider it. That thang is as crazy as a bedbug. And speaking of bedbugs…

Bedbugs – 2010 was the year that mutha f*ckin bedbugs invaded the US! Probably because they thought they were going to be covered under ObamaCare. Kidding. But seriously, those critters are everywhere! So much so, that our friends over at Unseen Denver brought us a wake up story on bedbugs earlier this year.

Just effing precious

Tea Party – Christine O’Donnell, witchcraft, rallies, misspelled protest signs and the best nickname ever! Tea Baggers (Nut Sac Dunkers), we love to hate you.

Cheating Celeb Husbands – Sandra Bullock, Eva Longoria, Elin & Tiger…yes, this is what our viewing pleasures have been reduced to </facepalm>

The Death and Rebirth of Late Night: Conan –  Enough said. Hahahah…TEAM COCO for life! What self-respecting guy has the nickname CoCo? An African American male stripper? Or everyone’s favorite lanky Irish Ginger funny man?

Juan William – Um yeah. Only Juan Williams would get fired from NPR for his comments on Muslim air travelers and then get straight PAID by Fox News for the whole sitch.

Greg Hollenback – This sack of dicks. I think after the Westwords caricature and RedHead Writings, not one but two, I’m gonna get you sucka posts, we won’t be seeing the Shit…er, Sheik of Cherry Creek for a while.

TRON Sucks – It did then and it will now. Trust us! FYL Disney. You can’t make a good movie by gluing glow sticks to yourself. That’s called a rave, and you need ecstasy. Don’t look at us like that. You geeks probably only have a couple of moments that you actually considered cool. The rest was boooorrrrriinnnnngg!

Lady Gaga – (RAH)2 (AH)3 + [ROMA (1+MA)] + (GA)2 (OOH) (LA)2 = Consider yourself song bombed. You’re welcome.

Bruno Mars – We heart his face and Sport wants to keep him chained up in her closet. You know, for serenades and stuff. Nothing sexual *shifty eyes*

Chilean Minors – Our hearts were with the miners, believe me, but we’d like to take a moment and laugh. Thanks Charlie McDowell for bringing us the vapid, but oh so entertaining, Girls Above Me. Chilean Minors. hahahahaha…classic.

Hmmm, so we can’t count. Or we’re just full of witty observations. Yeah, that’s it. The witty thing! Phew. Just think, 2011 will be filled with even more juicy, delicious, ‘Best Of’ crap. Can’t. Wait.


10 Responses to “Our Top 30 of 2010”

  1. David Pennington December 20, 2010 at 1:52 pm #

    Hollenback is the DJ on 103.5 The Fox on Sunday nights. It’s pretty fucking terrible.

    • theVar December 20, 2010 at 9:13 pm #

      That guy has Clear Channel by the nuts or something.

  2. Jennifer December 20, 2010 at 2:53 pm #

    I just want to include brunch on this list. Not anyone in particular – just the action of brunch.

    • theVar December 20, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

      Money, Jennifer. How in Sam Hill could we forget brunch?

  3. Just Jane December 20, 2010 at 5:43 pm #

    There should be another happy hour…or brunch w/cocktails or Var selling cheap beer out of the trunk of his illegally parked car. Something ANYTHING to scour the image of a Bieber-Swift coupling from my brain. My eyes! My eyes! It burns!

    • theVar December 20, 2010 at 9:14 pm #

      Word up. When I read that one, I broke out in a cold sweat.

  4. Erika Napoletano December 21, 2010 at 6:36 pm #

    Can I just say that I *liked* Tron: Legacy? Then again, I’m a geek like that. (ducking)

    And also, I’d like to add Louis CK’s “Suck a Bag of Dicks” bit to the list, even though it’s probably from 2009. Fuck it.

    • theVar December 21, 2010 at 8:14 pm #

      I may…MAY check out Tron. Hard to say. You liking Tron gives it a little weight. We’ll see. ;)

      • 2509 December 22, 2010 at 9:46 am #

        I’m a huge geek. I’m a huge Tron geek. I’m fat and bearded and I wear glasses and I can name everyone who ever wrote a seminal run on Daredevil. I’m a geek.

        Tron and Tron: Legacy are boring, poorly written, poorly filmed, poorly acted pieces of fucking faux cinema shit.

        • theVar December 22, 2010 at 11:02 am #

          So, 2509, inquiring minds want to know: How do you really feel?


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