Weekly Rant: Really mom?

17 Dec

I’m coming to you from the back of my closet, knees tucked to chest, and a bottle of whiskey in hand. She’s invaded, and the fate of my world is looking bleak. Dun, dun, dunnn…


I’m grown now. I thought it would be clever and quite effective to tell my mom just how ridiculous she is. Come on. Who likens boneless chicken breast you get from the grocery store to a chicken breast sandwich at McDonald’s? And when asked why she wouldn’t eat it, replies with ‘it doesn’t have a bone in it.’ :/

Or, how about this. We’ve eaten fried, fried, and did I mention fried(?) for 6 days now. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that she’s cooking for me, but dayum!

Speaking of food, there has been the case of the gourmet hot dog, with mustard, ketchup, and onion only, that was the nastiest thing she’d ever had. (For those living in Denver, I got dogs from Steve’s Snappin’ Dogs. Steevvveee’s. You can’t go wrong with Steve’s.) O_o

If you’ve ever visited my place when the boiler is on, you know it’s hotter than two bats in a wool sock fucking. But, to my mom, it’s 2 below–even when the temp gauge says it’s 70 degrees in December! Yet, I have to suffer and bear the radiant heat being on. Seriously, my ball sweat is sweating. :|


You see, what you’ve been reading, I opened the door for these situations to happen. I invited my mom to visit me. In my 1-bedroom. During December. For 29 days. What? I was trying to be a loving son. One that’s attentive and caring and the best. My mom has heart issues and other medical complications I’m trying to be sensitive to here. She’ll be 58 tomorrow, and I want to see her live long and prosper. She’s here because I like to see her experience more than rural Georgia has to offer. <3

As a result of trying to reconcile the radness of having her around,  guilt for my indignance, sadness about her health, and frustration over her approach to her health needs,  I’ve since found out I’m actually the son that’s suicidal and impatient and ungrateful. Ultimately, the <=8

Oh, it’s 8am and I’ve heard her recite Denver’s temperature timeline for the day to 3 different people on the phone already. *smh*

Pray for me. We still have 23 days left. :P


10 Responses to “Weekly Rant: Really mom?”

  1. Becky December 17, 2010 at 10:06 am #

    Wow! You’re a stronger human than I.
    Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Linda, but 29 days of Linda?! Yowza.

    And to be completely fair, I doubt Linda would want 29 days of Becky.

    But just imagine, years from now, you’ll look back on this month of Momma time and relish the memories, the frustration, and the sweetness of your mother/son hangouts!

    Hi, LeVar’s Mom!


    • theVar December 18, 2010 at 8:42 am #

      I’m not sure if I’m stronger, Becky. I think the word is adventurous…crazy, even.

  2. Psykome December 17, 2010 at 10:17 am #

    Be happy knowin its only 29 days..it could be for the rest of your life..treasure the time.

    • theVar December 18, 2010 at 8:43 am #

      Treasuring the time is what’s keeping me afloat, Psykome.

  3. Mickey December 17, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    Just Imagine how many moments of Love/Hate/Love you will have in the next few weeks. While there will be moments of shear craziness, and moments of regret, they undoubtably will live with you for a lifetime. Besides, that’s why alcohol was invented, to help keep your sanity.

    Cheers My Friend!!

    • theVar December 18, 2010 at 8:43 am #

      Mickey, alcohol helps. Tremendously!

  4. kia December 17, 2010 at 11:47 am #

    Tales of this trip are going to be EPIC! You <=8


    • theVar December 18, 2010 at 8:44 am #

      hahahaha…Kia, I have a feeling you are right.

  5. ECD December 17, 2010 at 4:34 pm #

    My Southern mama’s in town too, and she’ll be 57 on Christmas. We could get those two together and have a grand ole time :)
    I love my mama too, but I think mom’s just know how to get under their child’s skin – just like my 3-year-old does to me!
    Have fun LeVar!

    • theVar December 18, 2010 at 8:45 am #

      Thanks, ECD. I plan on having a nothing but fun. Focus on ‘plan’.

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