Traditions: that which you keep, that which you discard

9 Dec

Last night, Mike and I put up our tree. Mike wanted to get a real tree because he remembers how much he loved the smell of them when he was a kid, but that shit sounded like a headache to me with those heathen cats, so I put the smack down on that idea.

Like, seriously, I would put a cat to sleep for climbing around in the tree. And that sounds exactly like the sort of shenanigans the man-cat would pull.

So we put up my little two footer and all the super girly ornaments I have for it. Yes, there are at least two ornaments that are sculptures of vintage dresses.  I guess I’ve always had a tree. Even the year I was first on my own I taped up a drawing of a tree so that I had one.

After we got the tree up, it was time for the one tradition that I’ve held dear for years. I ran into the other room to get the Christmas Cat!

I suppose I should mention that the Christmas Cat was a tradition I started with Matthew when we were roomies. And I should also mention that the Christmas Cat is a brushed nickel urn filled with the ashes of my dead cat, Canessa. Lastly, I should mention that I like to put the Christmas Cat right under the tree.

Mike was horrified. I believe he called it disturbing.

I went to go get the Christmas Ferret to put under the tree with Canessa and Mike put his foot down. Mostly because Loki, the Christmas Ferret, is in a ziploc bag.

Whatevs. So I put the Christmas Ferret on the nightstand.

Spice up your life, bitches!

It got me thinking about sharing Christmas with another person and their traditions. Traditions like how I really like to go snow tubing around the holidays, but Mike said that is out of the questions because I’m a big fat pregnant cow and people get paralyzed snow tubing. (That’s a true story.)

Also, I like to celebrate the music of the Spice Girls at Christmastime.

The Spice Girls are fucking awesome.

Mike doesn’t know about how I like to drink my morning Christmas Scotch while jamming the entire Spice Girls catalog.  He doesn’t know about how I like to watch Ethan Hawke movies from the 90s on Christmas Eve and then go out at 2am looking for a miracle. PS. There’s never a miracle, but usually some crazy shit happening on Colfax.

He does know about my New Years Eve tradition of shitting until I run out of toilet paper. Again, this is a true story. My life is really exciting around the holidays.

And I don’t know his traditions. Or the traditions that we’ll make together.

What I do know is that the Christmas miracle this year may be The Christmas Ferret getting a spot under the tree!

Scoundrels, what traditions are you keeping and what are you tossing out? Also, don’t you think Loki deserves a spot under the tree? I mean, I don’t want Canessa getting lonely.




4 Responses to “Traditions: that which you keep, that which you discard”

  1. P.S. Jones @The Bitch Blog December 9, 2010 at 10:29 am #

    Your house sounds like the scariest house on the block on the holidays. (And by the by, maybe I missed the explanation but why the fuck do you have so many dead animals in your house? Dead animal remains are a class of things that if you have two you have an abnormally high amount.)

    • Sport December 9, 2010 at 10:32 am #

      Well there are only two. The rest are alive. For now. But seriously, what are you supposed to do with beloved dead pets? :)

  2. Psykome December 9, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    Sport your dead animals are fine. this just shows how much you loved your animals. We put our dead Tigger the tiger asheses under the tree as kids cause he loved to lay there.
    As a adult I havent established any traditions. This is the first year I’ve had a “full size tree” only partialy decorated with green balls(for me) and Star Wars sound ornaments for Mike,(which were baned for the last 9 years by his xGF) and a baby sock. Mike’s one tradition that i have picked out is he goes to Chicage each year for “NORAD” and has a week long gaming session with his collage buds. He missed it last year so I made sure he gets his trip this year.
    We decided that since we arenot moving again we are gonna keep everything out so we can enjoy every holiday all year long. So eventually its gonna be a merryhallothankChristeaster day on the fourth of July.

  3. Jennifer December 10, 2010 at 9:27 am #

    The only big tradition we have, and consequently my favorite, is my dad and I whining all Christmas Eve to one “just one” present. My mom never lets us, and we really don’t want to, but we enjoy terrorizing her.

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