Ask Captain Falcon Punch

23 Nov


Dear Captain Falcon Punch,

theVar recently talked about blind dates on Talk Thirty To Me, and I have a friend that’s trying to set me up on a blind date–incessantly trying. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate what he’s doing. I just don’t think it’s for me. It’s been ages since I’ve been on a date, and a blind date might be refreshing. I really don’t want to get my hopes up only to have them crushed by a bad dating experience. What should I do?

Thanks. –DontYouWishYourBoyfriendGaveHeadLikeMe

Dear WIshesHeGaveGoodHead,

What is your desired outcome for this date? A little wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, or a fulfilling picket fence-esque scenario? Because if you’re only looking for some quick and dirty, you’re gonna look like a jackass if you hump and dump a friend of a friend. You might as well go to Lodo and ply some unsuspecting blond with free-flowing Red Bull vodkas.

On the other hand, you could take your friend’s word that his friend is on the up-and-up. Take a chance and go out with her! She could turn ou to be a skanky cum dumpster, in which case you’d have the best of both worlds. Play on playa!

–Your friendly neighborhood Captain Falcon Punch


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