Idle Hands, Breast Milk, and Gross Out Factor

19 Nov

I opened up Google Reader this morning to read the sleep away, and what do I see? An article on from the Huffington Post on Breast Milk Cocktails for stay-at-home dads. Wowza! I can’t lie. My warped since of interest would not let me take my eyes off of this article. Hell, it even had me wishing I owned my very own lactating mom. (Watch out, Sport. We may have to try some of these recipes in a few months.) *shudders* See this is where my gross out factor kicks in.

I understand, Tony Sach, we drink milk from cows on the reg, and yes, we eat cheeses made from the milk of sheep and goats, but there is also no physical attachment to those animals. As I don’t drink milk, I’m pretty sure you Scoundrels don’t think “This is Bessie the Cow’s milk I’m drinking” when you open the fridge and pull out a cartoon of that white, tongue coating, bone strengthening, deliciousness we call milk. But you can pat your ass on the fact that if you were pulling your wife’s milk out of the ice box (Ha. Ice box. What am I? Circa 1965?) you’d think twice about where it came from each and every time. There’s a personal connection to this milk, dammit. Personally, a gross connection. In my book, I’m tempted to tag this and file it in the Fetish Files. Cocktails just don’t equal sane choices for the uses of breast milk.

Before I’m all hasty and shite, I want to do a few things. First, ask Sport what she thinks of this take on dealing with over-production of breast milk? Secondly, see how do you scoundrels feel about the idea of a Breast Milk Cocktail? Remember, this could be ground-breaking; some of the best cocktails you’ve every had, eh!

Sport: *vomits* Eeeeeeeewwwwww. This is disgusting. And seriously a half step away from what I consider cannibalism.

She could have just donated that excess breast milk to a local milk bank so preemies could have nourishment. But that’s cool, her jack hole husband would rather mix it with booze than give it away. I guess some people are just really into that sort of thing.

Am I being overly hard on him? Probably. I understand the urge/ desire to try or taste the breast milk, but to regularly consume it to me is both gross and selfish. And if Mike did that shit, I’d punch him in the nutsack.

And yeah, because I stand by the things I say, you can bet that if these oh-so-swollen-titties decide to overproduce, I will be donating the excess. Hell, if the Smokey is a big enough pain in the ass, I may be willing to donate him/her too. #MotherOfTheYear


7 Responses to “Idle Hands, Breast Milk, and Gross Out Factor”

  1. Psykome November 19, 2010 at 10:44 am #

    I think I just threw up a little…I Breast feed Psycho’s Spawn for a long time…much too long…most women have a under not over production issue…Of course, my X and I had to try it. I was not fond of it the x- liked it more than I did but didn’t put his mouth near my breasts again. The thought of drinking breast milk on a regular basis is nauseating. It does not taste good. Maybe mixing it with something may help but *Gag*. Granted it is the healthiest thing you could consume as a human, donating it would be the awesome thing to do.
    I don’t know about “some of the best cocktails you’ve every had, eh!”
    but for sure the breast cocktails ya ever had… Gonna go puke now.

    • Sport November 19, 2010 at 11:17 am #

      Word. Word mutha effing up. If I wasn’t already pukey from the morning sickness that article would have caused me to vomitron all up in this bitch.

  2. Becky November 19, 2010 at 12:07 pm #

    I guess I don’t get it…
    I mean, I wouldn’t want to be downing a glass of breast milk everyday, but I wouldn’t be opposed to testing it, trying it in a cocktail, or trying it spread on a cracker as cheese – see link:

    I think, if you have breast milk, you should do whatever you want with it.
    If I ever get knocked up, I’m totally gonna taste it!
    And I’ll let everyone else taste it too – I mean, if they want to.


    • Sethro November 19, 2010 at 10:36 pm #

      I don’t know why, but the cheese to me seems like a much nastier idea than the breast milk…like something about the effort involved makes it worse.

  3. Just Jane November 19, 2010 at 1:31 pm #

    I’m lactose intolerant *snort*.

  4. Sethro November 19, 2010 at 8:06 pm #

    I have three kids, so I have licked my fair share of pregnant titty. I am sure there’s a much more eloquent way of putting that, but whatever. To be honest, I thought it was pretty good, kind of thin and sweet like vanilla rice milk. I can’t imagine using it as a cocktail unless it was my own wife’s, but hey… I am open-minded. Plus, think of the naming possibilities: The Cosmamolitain; Leche de Cuervo, for the Hispanic friends out there; the Marge-n-Rita; Lake Tittytuaca, and so forth…

  5. vaguelycool December 4, 2010 at 6:08 pm #

    Gross. I’m an experienced lactater and I don’t think its normal or natural to drink breast milk unless you are an infant. It’s a bodily fluid. I’m not drinking my pee either.

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