Ugh. The Holidays Are Coming

18 Nov

Nom, nom, nom, bitches

Sigh. To everyone: Eat a dick along with your turkey next week.

I hate the holidays.

I hate the crap, the materialism, the BS influx in vapid consumerism, the drama, the generic social transactions – bah frickin’ humbug!

I just do not see any reason why I should spend a day off driving all over the state to visit the various households of my broken family on the last Thursday of November to eat stuff I can get year-round at Boston Market.  Perhaps if I were bringing blankets of small pox- but to eat? Hell no.

What’s more? A simple cost/benefit analysis for said travel and meal ends up proving it’s not worth the money burned in fuel to arrive at the destination. Yeah, I know it’s about “family time.” #Boopussy.

I don’t have anything against my family, they’re cool. But you know what I like to do on a rare weekday off? Watch old episodes of Law & Order and eat on the couch wearing #nopants.

This year, I’ll be joining the Sig O’s fam for festivities. Five bucks says I end up talking about how heavy my tits are these days, or threaten to slap Mike with my placenta. Because, you know,  I’m the queen of social graces. I’ll do my best to enjoy it, but honestly, I think everyone is super selfish for making me give up my pantless L&O marathon to socialize and build memories.  Dicks.

And I’m not hating on you if you la la la la love you some family holidays. Do your thing and enjoy. Just don’t get pissed if I don’t want to drive all over God’s Green Earth to join your festivities.

I guess I’ve had good Thanksgivings. There was that time Matthew and I went to 7-11 to buy 40s and that amazeballs year in Queens with Phil.  But mostly, for me, it’s a day that just falls flat.

Scoundrels, where do you stand on this one? Alone time, or smother yourself with familial bonding?

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9 Responses to “Ugh. The Holidays Are Coming”

  1. Lady Crush November 18, 2010 at 12:37 pm #

    I’ll probably skew your poll a little, but I really, really miss my family. I’m actually pretty sad about having to miss Thanksgiving dinner with them, especially since extended family I rarely get to see will be in attendance, too. I wish I could get a spoonful of my step mom’s mashed potatoes or my grandma’s dressing. And hugs.

    I know, I know. Waaaah. #boopussy

  2. enyabiznass November 18, 2010 at 12:39 pm #

    I love our family Thanksgivings at the cabin. So much fun. So much eating. So much laughing. Good times. :)

  3. Becky November 18, 2010 at 12:50 pm #

    I guess I’m sort of lucky when it comes to family.

    I’m an only child…and because the majority of my family is straight fucking looney…my Mom and I snuggle up at her house, in the quiet Wyoming plains, and do some heavy hanging!

    Mom cooks her ass off…I help, a little, and when I’m not helping…I’m watching movie marathons, knitting, goofing on the internet, and reading novels in bed.
    It’s the perfect arrangement for us!

    Plus she has two cute little dogs that are fun to play with.

    Don’t get me wrong – I love family…and even miss the big get togethers every once in a while.
    But on the whole, I’d take the two person gluttony/movie festival up in Wyoming any day over the drunken fights and family politics.

    Becky
    xx

  4. Rexxy November 18, 2010 at 12:53 pm #

    Dear Holidays: you have progressively morphed into
    El Diablo.

    I completely echo the alone time. November through December feels like a never ending sink hole of annoying crap. Adding to the misery, Old Man Winter’s bitter cold weather is an added thorn in my 31-year-old side. I don’t need festivities as a force to see my family. Shouldn’t we want to see them [on occasion] throughout the year? The only thing I plan to smother myself in is a blanket and some delicious vino.

    • sinndixie November 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

      Maybe it’s just me but I love to get in the kitchen for three days before thanksgiving just to head over to my moms with the rest of the fam and chow down – 3 days work inhaled in a matter of minutes.

      This year is going to be a bit sad and a bit glad as me and the hub’s families all have stuff going on out of town and otherwise, however we will be hosting our first expat turkey day. So I get to do what I love – cook for three days only for the results to be inhaled in a matter of seconds… hmmm did someone say seconds – that’s my other fave part about the day – noone gets mad when you go for seconds! Hooray for elastic pants!

  5. Just Jane November 18, 2010 at 4:35 pm #

    I don’t care about the alone time but don’t do the family thing either. I have the “orphans” aka irreverent singles over for Thanksgiving. We only eat the stuffs we like (pie please…hold the green beans)and get drunk on Beaujolais Nouveau. Xmas is meh. Whatever. Usually involves martinis for breakfast and sweatpants and Frisky Dingo marathons.

  6. D.T. Pennington November 18, 2010 at 5:58 pm #

    Here Here! I’m all about the holi-hate!

    I’m more of a year-round hater though. Not really a fan of the 4th of July, or my birthday, or even that stupid MLK day! I want my mail, damnit!

  7. Sethro November 18, 2010 at 8:54 pm #

    Amen on the holiday hating. I personally love Thanksgiving, but I HATE how everyone acts around this time of year. Christmas Spirit, my smaller left nut. It’s the season to be jolly, right? So then why, when I take a simple trip to the store, do I feel like a rotting torso in the hot desert sun under a circle of starving vultures? Screw Christmas. It started out as a Pagan winter festival anyway with lots of drinking and eating…can’t we just go back to Festivus for the Rest of Us? Anyway, I do love Thanksgiving though. I am not against the whole getting together of the family thing…my family is pretty cool. But I am a definite Grinch, no doubt about that.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. This Week in Bitchery | The Bitch Blog - November 19, 2010

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