Guest Post: Another installment of the Seth Chronicles

15 Nov

Tales from the Stripped: You’re About to Enter another Dimension: The Friend Zone.

The notion of friend-birds seems to be resonating with a lot of us scoundrels lately. There was Girlasaurus Rex, then my post on friday, and now Seth brings us his “friend” (Not sure why I put that in quotes. Oh well.)  situation(?) today. My god, people. It’s Monday, I’m still trying to get the synapses firing. Look. Just read it, and give the boy some of your sage wisdom/anecdotal evidence of why he should or shouldn’t take this friend to fuck-buddy status. Who knows? Maybe even girlfriend status?!

Something I’ve come to realize in my roller-coastery 32 years, is that I value friendship over ass these days. It’s not that I don’t value ass. I am still a breathing male with a cock, after all. But it’s just that ass is ass, and ass comes and goes. Friendship is essentially what gets you from ass to ass. I mean, if you built a brick wall of your 30’s, the bricks would be things like ass and promotions; the mortar would be friendship (and maybe family). So yep, your life is basically just a big, thick brick wall of ass. (She’s a brick…..house). Don’t tell me you weren’t just doing the Worm to the Commodores right now.

The problem for me in this case, is that most often this means putting aside my normal sexual instinct to make room for a girl friend. Most of my best friends are girls. I fear that the sexual antipathy only exists within them, because I find myself tempted when presented with the vulnerable situations that a close male/female friendship bring.

Case in point: last week I hung out with my very dear artist friend…we will call her Jelly. Because she likes to be called Jelly. We got wasted downtown at The Tilted Kilt. If you’ve never been there, it’s like an Irish Hooters, but with scanter-dressed ladies. I recommend. Then, my friend convinced me to go to some dance club down the way.

I don’t dance. I used to dance, but I hate dance clubs now. Not only am I adversely opposed to crowds, I hate club music. I hate club drink prices. And I hate getting drinks spilled on me. But I went anyway. Why? Because my friend—friend or not—is a pretty girl. So we were dancing the night away—no touching. Not even the kind of touching that would be appropriate when you’re dancing. She got a wild hair and decided she wanted to go to PT’s Centerfold after the club.

So, we went. She got practically raped by the strippers, whereas only my bald head (which strippers seem to love) got anything close to raped. I watched her being willingly molested, and she didn’t seem to care that I watched. Full nude club, by the way.

We cruised back to her house to crash. I made up the bed in the guest room, and she came in wearing her skanky…er I mean sexy nightgown and asked if I needed water or anything else. I said that I didn’t, but we all know that’s a damn lie. I was a good boy and I behaved. She is a good girl and she behaved.

What really bugs me about this, is when either of us has a boyfriend/girlfriend again, we won’t be able to hang out like this. And that’s really sad. Because the truth is the thing that keeps us from being inappropriate with each other is that we value our friendship, truly. She’s a great girl who I can relate to like I don’t relate to a lot of people. And she thinks the same way about me. So who wants to screw that up with a relationship? Because dammit, when I am pissed off, she will be there for me. And vice versa. And at this point in our lives, that HAS to mean more than anything else.

But sometimes I think…can we pull it off? Can we do the dirtiest of deeds and still be the bestest of friends? Drunk me might think so, but sober me knows better. Sigh, sigh, and double sigh.

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4 Responses to “Guest Post: Another installment of the Seth Chronicles”

  1. Dulce November 15, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    Call me crazy, but shouldn’t the person you end up dating/sleeping with/coming home to at the end of the day be your best friend? I mean, I know there are things that you need “just friends” for, but ultimately, I think dating a friend is better than dating a piece of ass.

    And for the record, “ass to ass” reminded me of Requiem for a Dream. I tried so hard to forget that scene. I need to bleach my eyes now.

  2. Susan November 15, 2010 at 5:27 pm #

    Goodness…

    I’ve been asking myself these same questions. I have dabbled with a “Friend with Benefits” situation and while I love how comfortable I feel with this guy and how much we care for each other as friends, it has affected our friendship.

    Before we would flirt endlessly. We said things that would shock each other and there was so much tension between us. It was awesome. Now that we’ve crossed that line, it’s really not the same. I miss the flirting with no expectations.

    If I could keep the intimacy we gained by crossing that line but return to just being friends without benefits, I would.

    Listen to sober you unless you do want to go the relationship route. Honestly though, it sounds like it might be worth the risk.

  3. Just Jane November 15, 2010 at 6:08 pm #

    You’re the best of friends, you relate to one another in ways you can’t/don’t with other people,you’re sexually attracted to each other and you’re both single? And you’re not considering this as a possible more than FWB situation? I think perhaps I’ve missed something.

    • Sethro November 15, 2010 at 10:44 pm #

      Hah. Well it’s not quite all as simple as that. For one (even though I have a sneaking suspicion she is) I am not certain that she is interested in that. Also, I suppose the post is kind of incomplete. I have three daughters…not too many girls are willing to go william-nilliam into a relationship when kids are involved. So that leaves us back with the “friends with benefits” dilemma. And we all know how much sex changes things. So, to me the choice is between having a friend and having some sex. And what I am trying to say in the article is that these days, I have to value friendship over sex at all costs; it’s vastly more valuable. That’s the frustration…because I am sure we would have some good times if we crossed over from the friend zone too.

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