The Sophistication of Boning in Your 30s.

8 Nov

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Come on. You and I both know there is none. Just because a glass…well, bottle or two of wine is involved before the panting, sweating, and climaxing, that does not make sophistication. I was over on The Denver Omelette this morning reading about the “come over and watch a movie” move that we all have experienced in one way or another, and Betty Steele mentioned “that at 13 [the] make out sesh typically doesn’t happen until at least the 3rd movie of the night and some sweaty-palm hand-holding.  While at 31 it has sped up to 2 glasses of wine and the end of opening credits.”

This got me to thinking. So I asked myself, “Var, does the wine make the banging process more sophisticated?” Hell naww. We’ll just find any excuse to be alcoholics. Honestly, we should probably skip the wine anyway. It’s only going to decrease functionality of certain phallic paraphernalia. Which I’ve gotta say, I like for mine to be at 100% when I’m trying to knock someone’s back out.

Sidebar: In the middle of writing this, I jumped back over to TDO and noticed that Sport commented on their blog post.  Sport: Is it weird that I bring a porno with me when invited to “come over and watch a movie”? <–Thanks, Sport. Point proven.

I guess all I’m trying to say is let’s be the animals we are and fuck like rabbits. I don’t want to seem fancy before we do the deed. I just want to do the deed. Yadda mean?

Btw, I think I need to get booty. This is the second time I’ve talked about sex in 2 posts.

Cattle call!


9 Responses to “The Sophistication of Boning in Your 30s.”

  1. Just Jane November 8, 2010 at 5:31 pm #

    Wine just came out of my nose as I laughed at this post.

    So yeah, no, on the wine = sophistication. Clearly. Oh wait. That’s probably just me.

    • theVar November 8, 2010 at 5:46 pm #

      You’re a woman after my own heart. Now sober up, and go and get laid.

  2. Sethro November 8, 2010 at 10:17 pm #

    Hilarious. I love the tags for this post by the way: sophistication, boning. Classic. I don’t know how to respond to this post, because in my entire life I can probably count the number of “sophisticated” fucks I’ve ever had on one hand. Which is ironic, because most of my fucks involve my one hand these days. We all need to get laid, for chrissake. Recently “ensingled,” I have decided to bypass all the sophisticated movie watching/wine drinking and just cut to the chase. “Wanna bone?” I’ll ask. Because in my experience with my oh-so-scandalous exes, I would have to think that approach is good. I mean, 40% of the time, it works every time. And it’s made from real bits of panther, so you know it’s good.

    • theVar November 8, 2010 at 10:38 pm #

      Sethro, the hand can be your best friend. Mine and I are on the outs, and things may never be the same again. I know. Quite a travesty. Nonetheless, I’m stealing your ‘wanna bone’. That’s right up my alley. Here’s to hoping he’s receptive. (Damn, I really want to make a joke here, but I’ll show some restraint.)

      • Sethro November 11, 2010 at 10:23 pm #

        Receptive. Hahaha. Make the joke, dammit. Ah man, don’t hold back. The best stuff comes from full disclosure Dammit.

  3. TheBoo November 9, 2010 at 9:56 am #

    Oh lordy, Var, haven’t you read Lady Chatterly’s Lover? There’s nothing more ridiculous-looking in life than human fucking.

    • theVar November 9, 2010 at 10:10 am #

      Adding to the reading list now. :)

  4. Charli November 10, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    I love the “wanna watch a movie” line. I feel like I know what to expect from it. It seriously sucks when they really do just want to watch a movie…

    I try to be as straight forward as I can, “wanna put a movie on and not watch it?” I may also adopt the “wanna bone” question for those not so quick on the uptake.

    • theVar November 15, 2010 at 9:27 am #

      Hahaha…wanna one? I love it. That’s my kinda gal, Charli.

      I’ve yet to come across someone that really just wants to watch a movie. I’m not sure how I’d react to that one.

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