Baby bits? Wha?

2 Nov

So glad I’m not having a hooved beast. Image courtsey of

Mike and I had another OB/GYN visit last week. Which meant another ultrasound wand stuck up my vag. Oh, the joys of pregnancy.  We saw Smokey and got the date for what they call the Anatomical Scan.  That’s the appointment where they look for your baby’s junk and tell you if you’re having a – well you know.

Woot! That way we can pick out a name and decorate Smokey’s room.  If Smokey is a girl, I was thinking of putting a giant penis mural on the wall. I suppose I could do that either way and just assume that Smokey will be down with the dick.  I bet Mike’s gonna want some Winne the Pooh shit or something in that room.  My life is hard, you guys.

So anyways, I thought it’d  be fun if you all guessed what sort of little spawn I’m gestating in my pussy, er uterus. I’ve been told I have to stop saying the baby is in my pussy. Ugh. Something about medical accuracy. Blah, blah, blah.

Oh also, if you have a good name suggestion, leave it in the comments. But don’t waste my time with names like Sara or Madison or Mike. That shit is boring. This baby needs a dynamic name like Capt. Balls Awesome or Mistress Fuck Yeah…or something like Marley (my lady BFF’s daughter is named Marley). Soo cute!

We find out the gender on December 2nd, so place your bets now!


13 Responses to “Baby bits? Wha?”

  1. lorrie November 2, 2010 at 10:22 am #

    Andy was always pulling to name a kid Natron. While in the womb, we called Milo “Quantum Mantis” on Andy’s theory that he couldn’t HELP but come out a superhero with that name.

    • theVar November 2, 2010 at 10:37 am #

      Milo is a great name, Lorrie. Sara, you could steal that one! (Just kidding.)

  2. dulcedementia November 2, 2010 at 12:33 pm #

    I just voted for a girl because “hooternooter” made me laugh. I’ve already named both of my nieces, so I tend to have awesome names. But I’ll let everyone else have a swing at the names thing before I toss my final, winning name into the arena. #humility

  3. Joe Mama November 2, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    Since we have no plans for our own progeny, I will bestow upon you a few names that have crossed my mind:

    – Voltron
    – Merlin
    – Stuart (but only in reference to the Dead Milkmen song of the same name:
    – Didgeridoo
    – Mega Man
    – Lieutenant Shit Hot
    – Kat Von Deez Nuts
    – Son of Sport
    – Sir Scion of Racer (or Lady Sci of Race)

    • Sport November 2, 2010 at 1:03 pm #

      Wow, Joe! Those are some epically bad names. I mean, like, bad. Ha ha ha. :)

      • Joe Mama November 2, 2010 at 1:06 pm #

        Hence, why no one will let me name their offspring… I do like the name Marley.

  4. Backlash November 2, 2010 at 1:25 pm #

    When looking for names for Thistle I came across this one – Nimrodel, which means “lady from a small cave.”

    Made me laugh out loud. A small cave indeed :)

  5. Matt Damon November 2, 2010 at 1:29 pm #

    “Tranny” is not a medically accurate term that pertains to the sex of our child.

    • Sport November 2, 2010 at 1:34 pm #

      Exactly! Apparently I needed to use the other Project Runway reference.

  6. Jennifer November 3, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

    You could go with the awesome act of combining names + a great 90’s reference: Sike. Could be fun to yell?

  7. Banshee November 4, 2010 at 1:27 pm #

    Being quite removed from thirtysomething I tend to peek at your blog with some sort of nostalgic vicariousness but love to read your musings as that is some funny shit! But I have always thought that Greek Mythology is full of awesome names for children, my faves being Psyche and Apollo followed closely by Persephone and Zeus- but that’s just me………

  8. vaguelycool November 4, 2010 at 9:42 pm #

    My two were named “ziggy” and “yellow” until birth when my serious engineer husband Gdub decided those names weren’t exactly what he had in mind….

  9. Lady Crush November 5, 2010 at 2:09 pm #

    I voted #peepee, all the way. And, since Smokey the Bear the Person is apparently a temporary moniker (despite the beautiful fact that it is a gender-neutral name and lends itself well to many non-embarrassing nicknames your child would be delighted to go by during those formative years when the other kids are so mean– but whatever, Sport. What. Ever.), I sincerely propose the name Marcus. Why? Because I like it.

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