Dirty Thirty: You have sex how many times a week?

21 Oct

I’m not going to lie.  It’s been over a week since my lady bits have been visited by someone other than me.  Don’t think I’ve been neglectful. *shakes head* Oh, no. But my sexy piece of ass was out of town, then sick and we’re moving, so there just hasn’t been time.

And in all truth, ever since sticking the old bun in the oven, I’m not always in the mood anyways. Especially after 7pm. So as much as I’d love to throw on some lingerie and hooker heels- dude, I’m tired.

Real life is so unglamorous sometimes.

I got to thinking. As a pattern in my relationships, things start out hot and heavy with so much pipe laying in one day, that I suspect my man is actually a plumber. Then things tend to normalize: a few times a week. Still rad, dirty, hot and satisfying, but less in frequency.

Is this normal? Some magazines have me believing that the only normal sexual behavior is trying new positions every day, most of which do not look particularly comfortable, and how the hell do you do that without pulling your back?

*sigh*

Scoundrels, we’ve discussed changes in sex drive in our 30s, but I don’t think we’ve ever fessed up to how much we’re getting laid. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend is going to have words with me for disclosing deets about our sex life, but you know, greater good. Okay, so I put it out there, now assure me that it’s normal. Or at least reasonable.

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17 Responses to “Dirty Thirty: You have sex how many times a week?”

  1. Charli October 21, 2010 at 12:04 pm #

    Not near enough…

    • theVar October 21, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

      Tell me about it.

  2. The Boyfriend October 21, 2010 at 12:47 pm #

    I only have sex to procreate. Winner!

    • Sport October 21, 2010 at 12:58 pm #

      I’m so going to shit on your side of the bed.

      Love you!

    • theVar October 21, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

      The Boyfriend, I’d have to say you are the winner! As long as you get yours right!?!

  3. Ryan October 21, 2010 at 12:51 pm #

    Man, I could do a week standing on my head. I can also fuck standing on my head, but that’s beside the point. If you think a week is a dip in the action, I can tell you stories of true withdrawal that would curl your toes–and those of your baby in utero. We’re talking YEARS…WHEN I WAS MARRIED.

    All kidding aside (but I wasn’t kidding about the years of drought), don’t believe what magazines say is “normal” because their main aim is to make you feel like shit about yourself. Normal’s whatever you want it to be, and sadly, there are more relationships like the one I was in than the non-stop, no holes barred fuckstravaganza these publications would have us believe is occurring at this very moment.

    • theVar October 21, 2010 at 1:01 pm #

      Ryan, does your #peepee need loving?

      • Ryan October 21, 2010 at 2:00 pm #

        We all need loving, theVar…peepee notwithstanding.

      • Ryan October 21, 2010 at 2:08 pm #

        In fairness, the aforementioned streak has since ended. The venom of my post comes on behalf of the silent victims of doing no intercourse–An American Tragedy. Sunday night, only on Lifetime.

    • TheBoo October 25, 2010 at 9:34 am #

      Agreed. Sadly, even if you *are* willing to try every one of those new positions they suggest, you have to either a) find someone who is willing to lend you their goodies frequently enough to do it, or b) drop your standards to “yes, I will have sex with anybody that contains human DNA”. Bummer.

  4. Siouxsi October 21, 2010 at 1:19 pm #

    Wha-fucking-wha to a week.

    Try 7 years.

    Yup. I win. Or lose depending how you look at it I guess.

    • Ryan October 21, 2010 at 2:01 pm #

      See? Siouxsi knows what’s up. Things are getting REAL real up in here.

    • Charli October 21, 2010 at 4:27 pm #

      I hear ya girl

  5. Vinyl October 21, 2010 at 4:06 pm #

    As you progress in your pregnancy, you will start to notice a serious recharge inside ya. Trust me, you won’t be able to get enough to save your life….just wait for it. It will come….what week are you in anyways???

  6. Christine October 21, 2010 at 9:51 pm #

    when I was in a long term cohabiting relationship? a lot. now that I’m single? yeahhh kill me.

  7. Vaguelycool October 21, 2010 at 10:00 pm #

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah a few times a week…… oh the humor.

    Everyone is different, Sport, everyone is different – there is no benchmark of “normal” for this one.

    And also, sometimes libido goes down during pregnancy, just sayin….and there’s nothing wrong with that.

  8. TheBoo October 25, 2010 at 9:24 am #

    Dear Kids,

    I didn’t have sex ’til I was 30. Yeah. Suck.

    Now? I have it whenever I can get it…but even so it averages out to less than once a week…hell, maybe less than once every two weeks.

    Not having a steady boyfriend and living out in the rich peoples’ version of the stix makes it a bit tougher. My advice: never move to the suburbs unless you already have the spouse and kids. Or don’t actually like having sex.

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