Denver’s Big Fancy Schmancy and stepping out and meeting jesus. Why not?

19 Oct

Today is off the charts great (don’t let the picture fool ya) and I wanted to commemorate it with a blog post of awesomeage. As the title states, we’re about to cover two things: Denver’s Big Fancy Schmancy, and well, idiots. You’ll understand more when you get into that part of the post. Keep your britches on!

Denver’s Big Fancy Schmancy

Here’s the deal. Wait. Aside: To all of our readers that don’t live in Denver, :(. That is all. Just kidding. We wish you could be here with us. Next time? So, the Tweetup-pers of Denver are about to throw a party of epic proportions. By George, you’ve got it–Denver’s Big Fancy Schmancy. You like how I said that like you really guessed. I told you already with the title. Ha! As stated on the site, “It’s a reason to get dressed-up for absolutely no reason….” Why would you miss this? What Sport and I love most about this event is we’re going to meet so many of you Scoundrels. That’s right. We’re going to sop those lovely faces up with biscuits. (This is not as disgusting as it sounds. It’s a good thing. Trust me.) I’m not going to drone on about the tweetup because I want you to read about it for yourself. Get your arse over there, and take a gander.

theVar’s Weekly Rant: oh, I didn’t forget ya’ll

Dear Pedestrians,

My name is theVar. I’m not an aggressive driver. Okay, sometimes I am, but not in these circumstances. When I’m in my car, I’m not as vulnerable as you. Sure I can get into a car wreck and get hurt. Hell, I can even die. I’ve accepted this. Now when you are on foot/bike. You aren’t so protected. Setting foot off of a curb, when I’m approaching IN MY CAR, will surely spell you having a broken bone or two. At the very least, a concussion. <–This is what I pray for for you; however, I can’t promise that your ass isn’t stepping out and meeting Jesus. I hear he’s welcoming to moron’s, as well as his faithful followers. Who knows?*shoulders shrug*

Yours Truly,


See, ya’ll thought I was just going to bitch and bitch and bitch. No. Not this time. I just wanted to get that off my chest and make sure that today keeps winning. You know what they say. Throwing that negative energy out there will come back 10 fold. Nuh-unn. Not to me. That’s why I chose to write a peaceful letter. And be a good Samaritan. What? I am. I’m letting them know what I’m going to do before I do it. I even closed with ‘Yours Truly’. I thought that was a nice touch. Sweet, huh? I know.

Oh, and Scoundrels. Please don’t let that jackass stepping off the curb be you. I can’t make any promises.

You may continue with your kick-ass day now.


6 Responses to “Denver’s Big Fancy Schmancy and stepping out and meeting jesus. Why not?”

  1. mcquinne October 20, 2010 at 1:02 pm #

    A word of warning: If you dislike predestrians stepping out in front of traffic as though they’re both invincible and entitled then do NOT, I repeat, do NOT drive through Boulder, CO. You will kill someone.

    • Sport October 20, 2010 at 2:25 pm #

      that is precisely why I hate Boulder.

      • theVar October 20, 2010 at 2:32 pm #

        Ahem, Sport, we don’t use strong words like hate in ‘dese herr woods.

  2. Erika Napoletano October 20, 2010 at 3:23 pm #

    I’m going to be at the Fancy Schmancy in an awesome gown and my bewbs will look fan-tastic. Just saying.

    • theVar October 20, 2010 at 3:48 pm #

      Ummm, Erika, when don’t your bewbs look fan-tastic? Just asking.

  3. TheBoo October 25, 2010 at 10:10 am #

    WHAT THE HELL! Every time I drive downtown some imbecile on foot or bike decides to jump out in front of my car. My CAR. My MOVING CAR.

    Dumbasses. Yes. This is not just you, Var. I’m beginning to think we should be allowed to hit them with no consequences. Except it might damage the car.

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