Guest Post: Venus may be in retrograde, but she needs you.

27 Sep

This post comes from Sinn Dixie. Woooo-wee this woman’s a firecracker. Hailing from the jambalaya clutches  of our dirty South, this ex-derby gal explores the notion of independent women, the men in their lives, and preventing the chasm such a collision can leave in its wake. Weigh in and let’s get into some thirty talk.

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Someone recently told me that she was tired of being called intimidating. Many of the gals in my circle of friends get labeled the same thing. Hell, my now husband said the same thing about me about a month after I met him. What does it really mean when men label the fairer sex that way? I think that many times men confuse the word “intimidating” with the word “independent.” The thing that is intimidating is that these dudes don’t expect that a woman who is independent, on her own, and taking care of her shit can find a space for them to fit into their lives. This is especially true of my fellow chicas in their 30’s who have either loved and lost their independence only to gain it back with a roaring vengeance or those who have only known independence over the last decade or so.

Have women grasped onto our independence so hard that there is no room for someone to rely on? Have we gone so far that we appear to not need a hero? And by hero, mean that a man comes and saves the day in grandios ways. My hero smiles and gives me a kiss in the morning and tells me that he loves me. He’ll even eat the food that I make even when he doesn’t really care for it. (side note: Many of our men have no idea that they really are a hero until you tell them.) Where does it say that a woman who is secure and sure of herself does not want more, does not want a hero? We have no problem making room for our new shoes in our closet. Why would we have a problem making room for the best accessory of them all – A MAN?

Now, being a southern woman raised by great southern women, I have learned the graces of being a lady (even though many times I don’t act like one). I’ve also learned how to let a man take care of me. But one thing that I hold terribly dear is the gift of being independent and strong without acting like I do not need a man in my life. Be careful to not let them get the ladylike manner confused with weaknesss. Just because I let you open a door for me does not mean that you can walk all over me. Just because I let you spoil me with nice dinners does not mean that I cannot fend for myself. And just because I cook and clean does not make me a maid. I say to the men that call us intimidating that “You need to be a man.” If you don’t see a place for yourself then make one. You may find that we have no problem cleaning it for you.


10 Responses to “Guest Post: Venus may be in retrograde, but she needs you.”

  1. dulcedementia September 27, 2010 at 8:46 am #

    A-fucking-men! That’s all I have to say about this post. Well done, Miss Sinn, well done.

  2. enyabiznass September 27, 2010 at 9:22 am #

    I’m not gonna lie. I cannot take care of myself. Argh. But I guess that doesn’t stop me from being intimidating. :D

  3. financial aid for college September 27, 2010 at 2:17 pm #

    Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

  4. rev September 27, 2010 at 5:50 pm #

    Go Sinn! I’ve recently proven myself worthy of having closet space made for me. Sometimes it just clicks and it’s amazing :)

  5. junebugsgirl September 27, 2010 at 7:08 pm #

    Intimidating, independent, complex, strong-willed – yep, all of the above! When the right “hero” comes along, I will even put all of my shoes in the basement :)

  6. CityOLove September 28, 2010 at 6:05 am #

    While “men” are not my flavor, I do however @ times need their assistance. Independent and at times intimidating, I have learned that men are a necessary evil. The “Var” at times is that very man, and who I rely on when times really get rough. (However I would never ask him to be the hero when it comes to a rogue spider.) I think that independence is very important, but it’s also necessary to accept that we cannot survive on ourselves alone.

    Miss Sinn, thank you for a well stated and sometimes overlooked need and acceptance for a hero. And maybe, someday, I will get a chance to make room in my closet, for those shoes that will fit perfectly on my “hero”.

    • Sinn Dixie September 30, 2010 at 7:35 pm #

      CityOLove –
      After I wrote this I thought about my sisters into sisters and wondered if this was relevant and I’m glad to see that it is.

      Oh and I wouldn’t ask The “Var” to help me out with the eight legged friends either.


  7. Just Jane September 29, 2010 at 4:49 pm #

    It’s my experience that, while women are considered the nurturing sex, men have a need to nurture too. And when they come across a woman who doesn’t need or want to be vulnerable, that comes across as intimidating. Loving someone is being vulnerable. There’s no escaping it.

    Great post!

  8. Amy October 1, 2010 at 6:20 pm #

    Thank you for writing this! I was just recently for the first time in my life (I’m 27…not quite in to my 30s, but it’s there, mocking me) called intimidating (and by someone I’ve known for 13 years at that!). And then not long after that, called it a second time. I’ve never seen myself as intimidating…just as someone who can and is willing to take care of herself. You definitely have some good insight!


  1. Learning to Ask for Help « Gum in My Hair - September 27, 2010

    […] my lady friends over the weekend about how we can never seem to ask for help when we need it, then this post over at Talk Thirty to Me popped up in Facebook this morning and I think they sort of coincide […]

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