Meet Exhaustion’s little friend.

26 Aug

The correlation between exhaustion, loneliness, and comfort has eluded me for years. Until Tuesday night, they were mutually exclusive states of being. While chatting it up with Benji after a fantastic meal hosted by Venue and Republic Tequila, which was comfort in itself (nom, nom, gulp), he stated, “You know, when I’m tired, I feel so…vulnerable.” Vulnerable? Like raping him and taking his wallet vulnerable? Or was this about to be a Dr. Phil moment vulnerable? I just wasn’t sure. Then he explained.

When you’re single and living life on a high, you can conquer the world. There are no limitations. Then you have this night or three where exhaustion just sets in. All you can think of is being home, away from your hectic schedule, curling up and vegging. Now this is where vulnerability nestles up to your heart and head.  You’re single and nothing would be better than to exist in the same space with someone to hold and love. (Someone should really stop me before I go any further.  I know this is going to choke my street cred. Oh well.)

So I brought this up to Sport. [Unrelated: where has this bitch been?] And she echoed Benji’s sentiment.

Sport: It’s all an ebb and flow. With exhaustion comes the vulnerability and the time for slowing down. Time for wanting someone to be there when you slow down to notice that you’re alone.

Someone to just take note of your existence and realize how special you are.

Someone with whom you can be exhausted and vulnerable, and after all, isn’t that really something fundamental that we’re all looking for?

Who in the hell are “we all”, Sport? I’m the biggest proponent of singledom; however, I, too, have those nights. Hell, I had one that same night Benji brought this up. Fuck his life. I was not happy. Mushy and sentimental doesn’t fit me well—it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi. This does not mean I’m looking for some fantasy, fundamental, crap-tastic life with the nerd, pretty boy, mexi-cock, or any other guys I’ve dated. Okay, maybe the nerd. He was kinda swell.

I’ve gotta say, I’ve met exhaustion’s little friend. And I’m not sure I like that impish bastard.

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2 Responses to “Meet Exhaustion’s little friend.”

  1. Charli August 26, 2010 at 11:16 am #

    Sigh,

    I get that! I love being single for many reasons but there are somethings I miss and I have missed for years. I’ve had a few longish relationships but the last time I truly felt comfortable being vulnerable with someone I was dating was in my early twenties.

    It is when I start to feel worn out and tired that my desire to be part of something with someone else really kicks in. It’s when I just want to curl up on couch in the nook of his arm and have him kiss me on the top of me head. I don’t want someone to go out with but someone I want to stay in with when I’m done dealing with the world as a whole. Someone to come home to.

    Maybe I should get a house boy? That sounds nice!

    That Sport is one smart cookie.

    <3

  2. Irant August 26, 2010 at 12:35 pm #

    Excellent post, but as your goddamn oldest reader, I’m going to talk late 40s to you now. This is nothing about being single – it’s about fear. Life is scary, and I don’t think you ever reach the point where the fear goes away.

    In your Talk Thirty world, the fear is about whether you’ll find someone, whether you will succeed or fail, whether you chose the right path for yourself in the first place.

    In my Talking Forty world, the fear is about finances, and college tuition, and getting old. It’s about the baby fussing (as all babies do), and from exhaustion wondering whether she’ll stop breathing in her sleep. Or knowing your oldest daughter is wicked smart – smarter than you – and then after a few nights of tortured sleep, wondering who the hell had the fucking brilliant idea to show her William & Mary College, rather than just sticking to Consumnes River College. Or wondering if you’ll be alive for your youngest’s high school graduation.

    Life is scary, and you have to bring your A game all day, every day; sometimes you have to bring your A+ game. That’s hard to do. So get your rest – you are always stronger than anything life throws at you; it’s just hard to remember that sometimes when you have been burning the candle at both ends for too many days in a row.

    Now get off my lawn, you young whippersnappers.

    K

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