When everyone is getting married, and you’re not

17 Aug

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I think my mailbox has seen about 4 wedding invitations this summer. I couldn’t be happier for the couples. Love is a wonderful thing and I get giddy just thinking about good marriages.

If you watch Mad Men, you know the whole world thinks that all women want is to get married.  At least that was the idea in the 60s. How much of that holds true today?

I know I want to get married, but in good time. When I’ve found the right partner, and I’ve come to a conclusion of unconditional love for that person. Not anytime before.

But I know a lot of women who say they couldn’t care less if they ever get married. They sustain long-term relationships, but the legality of marriage just doesn’t appeal to them. Different strokes.

Now I realize that admitting that you want to get married feels a bit weird. It’s like salvaging one of those burning bras and tossing it back on to confine yourself to a convention. Feels like a step backward in the big lady power movement.

I just don’t think it is. Whether my desire to get married is one that’s been indoctrinated by years of Disney princesses prancing across the silver screen or if it’s a deeply rooted drive to connect with another human being as a partner, I’ll admit it.

6 Responses to “When everyone is getting married, and you’re not”

  1. mrsa2b August 17, 2010 at 9:42 am #

    I used to have a thing about getting married before I was thirty. A real thing about it. Nearly married the wrong man. Called the whole thing off a week before I turned 30 (mutual decison – it would have been so wrong for us both).

    Realised that I didn’t need to get married. Had a year of happy singledom. Bought my own house.

    Met Mr A. And we’re getting married next year, for the right reasons this time.

  2. enyabiznass August 17, 2010 at 9:46 am #

    I’ve been to more weddings than almost anyone I know. I don’t know if I’d know how to get married. I only know how to be a bridesmaid or guest. I’d be trying to catch my own bouquet.

    Yes. I would like to get married. Whenever it’s right.

  3. Becky August 17, 2010 at 9:47 am #

    Marriage, for me, is a formality.
    Don’t get me wrong, I get it…I love going to weddings and I think the spirit of having friends and family surrounding you on a special, landmark day is an experience tantamount to little else.

    And quite frankly, looking at pictures of weddings, their charm and personality…yeah, I get a little wooed by the imagery.

    But you know what I value more?
    The sanctity of a healthy relationship. I value trust and support and that unconditional love that you mentioned.

    Ultimately, I don’t need a big lovely wedding to do that…although, Vera Wang is doing some really phenomenal things with wedding gowns this season.

    There are no guarantees in life, ever.
    And as long as I’m with someone that loves me, wants me, and is willing to stand up for me – I don’t need a wedding or a ring or anything else.

    However, I do love a large a glittery diamond.


    • wittywife August 17, 2010 at 10:46 am #

      It sounds like you do want to get married for the right reasons.

      Remember, there IS no one right person. “The one” is a myth. This isn’t a Disney Princess movie, and I think from your post that you know it.

      Falling in love with easy. Getting married, though? That’s the CHOICE you make. A choice to always love that other person. Once you get married, it’s not JUST about the feeling, but also about honoring your commitment to this choice.

      The grass is always greener, and will it always WILL be if you think there’s “the one.” Again, it’s easy to fall in love, and if you’re having issues with your spouse, you’ll question yourself into thinking the new person might REALLY be “the one.” Don’t question it. You’re married, you’ve made your decision.

      So the issue for you (I think, and correct me if I’m wrong) is making sure you find someone that you can ‘choose’ to love forever once you fall in love with them, not about finding ‘the one.’

  4. dulcedementia August 17, 2010 at 11:30 am #

    Having been married once before, I can tell you what I love about a wedding: the party and acknowledgment of a strong and happy relationship. However, if you’re getting married to get married, it’s not worth it.

    I agree there is no “one” and we are compatible with many people, but you don’t need to be married to commit to choosing your partner for a lifetime.

    So, I still very much like the idea of long term monogamous relationship. But I don’t like the constraints of marriage. However, I am not opposed to having a big old “hey check out how long we’ve been together and come celebrate by drinking and dancing with us” party.

    Oh, and also, I am never changing my last name again. It’s a fucking pain in the ass.

  5. wittywife August 17, 2010 at 11:39 am #

    I think I replied in the wrong spot before; I replied to a comment instead of a post.

    Either way – dulce – I hear you. I also have been married once before, which clearly makes me no expert – my thoughts above are just from my own experience.

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