Guest Post: Confessions of a Wedding Porn Addict

15 Jul

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You know, sometimes you make a friend in a really weird way. I met today’s guest poster, Angie from one cat per person, on a wedding/ marriage website when I told the story of calling off my own wedding. Aww, tender, I know. Meh, weddings are weird. I feel like there is one nearly every weekend once you turn 30. They spawn crazy obsessive behavior,  lead to fights, and moments of insanity. Most of all, they can be a beautiful expression of love. Or cah-rayzee lady spending sprees in hopes of being a princess for a day. *Smiles* but I digress.

Anyways, she’s a badass, she makes me laugh and I am obsessed with following her own wedding planning with her blog. Angie is both insightful and lighthearted. She talks about stuff that makes sense to me like having two selves and struggling with growing up. And she loves the kittehs. I love Angie. So enjoy, here’s one lady’s story of wedding planning, blogging and being awesomesauce.

I started off as a lurker. We always start off as lurkers. My  many Interweb searches for “how to plan a cheap wedding” and “how not to rip off my own face while planning a wedding” introduced me to the world of wedding blogs.

It was a fun at first. Google churned out all the  highly-stylized inspiration blogs like Once Wed, Style Me Pretty and  Ruffled. These sites gave me my first taste of vintage inspired  engagement shoots and rustic-chic barn weddings. From my very first hit, I was hooked. I’d spend  hours trolling those sites for all kinds of pretty details to feed my  addiction. I’d do it at work, I’d do it when I got home, and I’d even do it in the car if I had my fiance’s iPhone. The wedding inspiration excited me and I had to have it. All of it.

I was a bride obsessed with the details. After seeing it all, I became bored. I was on a constant search of chasing my first inspiration blog high. Moss covered hanging monogram? Seen it.  Luxuriously curvy suede couches for a bright-eyed couples love shoot? Yawn. Smile booths and Holga cameras and sparkly shit hanging  from trees? Double yawn. I had seen it all and it made me want more. I  was a mad woman and  I wanted those sites to make my dreams of Yay! flags and sparkler send offs a reality. I began planning my own wedding in this state, which was a bad idea. I wanted felt mustaches on sticks, old typewriters for the guest book, and plenty of Polaroid cameras. Nothing was good enough, but I wanted it all. I was like an addict lurking in and out of dark  alleyways, itching for something to feed my need.

Then, at my most desperate moment, in walked Meg  from A Practical Wedding, the East Side Bride, and Ariel of Offbeat Bride. They were my saving grace. My own holy trinity of all that is sane and true in wedding planning. It  was a divine intervention and as soon as I saw the light I dusted myself off, had one more good cry, and I never looked back.  Here were all of these beautiful, thoughtful, well-written articles from  women who got me. It’s like they got all up in my head and said, “Oh.  That’s it. She’s just had too much of teh wedding pron.” And I did. I  weened myself off of them, which took a lot longer than expected, and began reading only wedding blogs that I thought had an honest voice.

And when I say honest voice I  mean the voices of real women with real problems and real joys. Not the voices of people who only lust after and brainwash minds with fake weddings, uber designed bullshit, and pillow carrying ponies.Hell no! I wanted the emotion and originality. I wanted to hear first hand from someone who had to choose between religion and her fiance. I wanted to hear from someone who couldn’t go through with her wedding because she knew it wasn’t right. And I wanted to hear from someone who ditched the pretty details and still had the wedding of the century. The holy trinity of APW ESB & OBB nurtured me back to my old self- the Angie who knows a wedding is a celebration of love and not a show.

It took four or five months of lurking for me to finally grow a pair and start my own blog. I can’t  remember (and don’t want to remember) wedding planning without one. In  fact, I like to tell people that wedding blogs are like diamonds, every  girl should have one! Just kidding. I’m really just feeling out the  waters here to see what it’s like and so far- Angie likey.

You  know what else I likey? Being able to craft my voice as a bride, soon-to-be-wife, and a woman through blogging. The support,  encouragement and sharing of ideas is amazing. It’s something I  saw, but didn’t feel as a lurker. Once I started writing and looking past the wedding pron, I magically became part of the community I admired so much. I have received and sent  emails of encouragement both to and from people who know how powerful  their words are and how to use it for good. I developed some wonderful  friendships in wedding blog land and I hope that after we’re wifed or  husbanded up, we can continue conversations about love, relationships  and the hard stuff. I don’t think I would be a confident and happy bride  without the blog scene. Plus, it’s saved me hundos of doll hairs in therapy.

Josh & Angie

In  the eleven months of our engagement we’ve planned two weddings, dumped  several vendors, spent many nights worried about money, and fought with  several family members. Wedding planning is hard shit, folks. Can I say  shit here? In any case, what I can see now that I didn’t see then is  how much planning a wedding has helped me and our  relationship grow. Creating a wedding from a joint vision between two people forces you to talk about all the  uncomfortable stuff- money, in-laws, values, religion, color schemes and  cake flavors. (heehee!) As someone who has a hard time saying No and sticking up  for herself, wedding planning taught me that too.

Blogging has also created a new arena of communication in my relationship. My fiance and I read plenty of wedding blogs. When we reach a topic of interest that makes us go “hmmmm???” we do a little show ‘n’ tell and talk about it. For example, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to change my last name when we get married. Because we had never talked about it, I wasn’t sure how he would respond. I read several posts about name changing on APW and showed them to him. Those posts facilitated a very important conversation for us. Just like wedding planning, creating a life with another person is a learn-as-you-go sorta thing. Reading about another person’s experience allows us to navigate through our own choices. As two folks who met on a popular online dating site, the Internette is a welcome third-party in our healthy, happy, make-up-the-rules-as-you-go lovefest.

Blogging makes  me happy because  I enjoy writing. I may not be very good at it, but I do it for me and I haven’t  been able to say that in a long time. Plus, my readers think I’m damn funny. And who  doesn’t like a shot of affirmation chased by a swig of praise? Right. No  one. Kidding.

I tell anyone and everyone to start a blog- even if it’s a deep and dark anonymous Livejournal or a short and sweet Tumblr account. If you’re thinking of joining the scene, I would say go  for it. Balls to the wall style. Don’t be afraid. There’s a venue for  everyone and your voice is waiting to be heard. Or read.

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6 Responses to “Guest Post: Confessions of a Wedding Porn Addict”

  1. Sport July 15, 2010 at 1:05 pm #

    I feel like it’s all too easy to be a troll. Looking at other people’s weddings and lusting after a pretty dress or a moment that a photog captured perfectly. Or maybe we’re just super creepy.

    I do appreciate the voice of sanity in wedding planning as provided by your holy trinity. Those ladies have done a great service by keeping it real, yo, in the face of fluff.

    And for the record, in 30 some odd days when you become a wifey, I hope your celebration of love is off the hook and you have a wonderful time.

    • Angie July 15, 2010 at 1:50 pm #

      I’m gonna go for creepy. Or maybe that’s just me. :)

      I think we all flock to blogging for the same reason- a venue just for us to whatever the effing hell we want. And thank goodness I found it when I did because I’d probably be staring off into space, foaming at the mouth, trying out why the Kn*t checklist is a billion items long.

      <3! And thanks!

      • Sport July 15, 2010 at 1:56 pm #

        “The Kn*t” <— can't stop laughing about that.

  2. Bret July 15, 2010 at 3:42 pm #

    Hooray for Angie, for turning 30 (which I will be doing in a few short months), for guest posting, and for finding new blogs, which this one is for me!

  3. lizzie July 16, 2010 at 8:24 am #

    WORD. I’m glad you’re not addicted to wedding porn anymore. Know any groups I can join to kick the habit? :)

  4. Sarah July 16, 2010 at 9:22 am #

    I did the same thing — started with the wedding porn and then started searching for “sane wedding,” where I found Offbeat Bride, APW, Broke Ass Bride, and the real bride bloggers. I much prefer the blogs that focus on writing, where we can talk about the real stuff that is troubling us. Leaving the pretty blogs behind enabled me to think about my life instead of just my wedding.

    BTW — I have been lurking here for a few days since you mentioned it on APW the other day, Sara. I like what you’re doing here.

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