A Whole New Playground

8 Jul

There is a line in an Avett Brothers song that goes:  “I want to have friends that I can trust/ That love me for the man I’ve become, not the man that I was.”

It got me thinking. So much of our younger life is spent building things: career, relationships, financial security and friendships.

I’ve got friends that I’ve had since Kindergarten. I’ve got a few very close friends that I’ve know since high school. But then I’ve also got the newbies that haven’t known me for that long. Some of those I’d consider my besties.

As I’ve grown older, and become the person that I am, my friendscape has changed considerably. When I played roller derby, I found myself with more girl friends than I’d ever had in the past combined. Now that I’m not playing anymore, there’s been another shift where I find myself spending time with the kids from Twitter.

There is something to be said about sharing a history with the friends I’ve had forever. There’s also something to be said for the ones who take me for who I am now.

Am I alone in this? Does anyone else’s friendscape shift with their changing lifestyles? Friends are one of the greatest joys in life. How do you guys mix the old with the new?

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5 Responses to “A Whole New Playground”

  1. multiconstruct July 8, 2010 at 11:13 am #

    Interesting site, i hope you take comments from people in their 40s. My friends have definitely shifted as my situations changed. When I first moved to Columbia I worked at a domestic violence shelter and so my friends came from my co-workers and their friends and I was at all the lesbian events. When I bought my house I have been more stay at home and have begun hanging out with people who want to come over. I could point to maybe 20 shifts like that in my life.

    • theVar July 8, 2010 at 11:22 am #

      Multicontruct, thanks for the comment. We welcome everyone. If the content is relevant to you, always feel free to join in on the conversation. I feel that I’m in a constant state of evolution also, when it comes to my friend circles. There is always a core that I stand with; however, the rest are so transient for me. I found it stressful and daunting for a while. Now I’m learning to just go with the flow.

  2. Charli July 8, 2010 at 11:55 am #

    I was actually just remarking on this this past weekend. I went camping with some dear family friends who I’ve known as long as I’ve lived in Colorado. They all are married and their kids who me Aunt. I was the center of conversations about finishing college, how I was dealing with my sister’s recent engagement and how great I am with their children, I really should be a mom…

    These people will always be my dearest friends and as close to family as you can be and not actually be related.

    However, looking over my friends on Facebook I realize how different I am from the girl I was when I met them. I have chosen a hobby that they don’t understand the appeal. I have made life choices that they probably wouldn’t completely approve of… I have even chosen a completely different circle of close friends, who themselves are quite diverse.

    So in answer to your question, my friendscape has changed significantly over the years but I do cherish my dear old friends even if we have differing priorities in our current lives. They have their kids and houses and various jobs to support the first two and I have roller derby and… well that’s about all I have time for these days.

    I only mix old and new in small amounts unless it’s my birthday then it’s just a free for all! Of course there is the all important meeting of old friends and a new boyfriend. Sadly, my old friends have never actually liked any of my boyfriends… Which is great actually because my friends are still around and the boys aren’t…

    There’s my ramble.

    In short, you’re not alone

  3. enyabiznass July 8, 2010 at 12:29 pm #

    I get them to date each other.

  4. Marina July 12, 2010 at 11:02 am #

    I’ve sure been thinking about this one. I don’t know how it happened, but somewhat by chance I currently live within half a mile of 5 friends I’ve known for 10 to 12 years. It’s fantastic to have friendship feel easy for once in my life–I know these people so well, and they’re so easily accessible. But it certainly disincentivizes new friendships. Any time I spend with newer friends is of course more awkward, because we don’t know each other as well, and feels like time away from my old friends where I could be more relaxed. I wish I was better at mixing the old and the new.

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