Conversations on Pride

18 Jun

Every once in a while, I wonder what it’s like to be someone else. Especially people I admire. I wonder how people fit into life and all the little niches and communities we end up a part of. I’ve learned over the years that the best way to understand other people is to simply ask them to tell their story. And then listen. Closely. So without further adieu, I want you all to listen to The Var and his thoughts on being a gay man.

Hey Var, what’s it mean to be a gay man in your 30s?

Good question, Sport. With Denver Pride 2010 starting this weekend, I’ve found myself pondering this question a lot lately. Let’s start with the facts: I’m single, I hate gay bars, I love sex (yet, I’m not getting much lately—ouch!), being gay gives me wicked self-esteem anxiety at times, I feel an increasing need to be in a gym a lot due to the “gay image” despite the fact that I never do it (does our running/walking sessions count?), and I’m comfortable in my own skin.  I define being gay; I don’t let gay define me—especially not in my 30s. Hmmm, I guess the facts sum up how I view being gay in my 30s.

Is there a difference between just being a man in your 30s and a gay man in your 30s? I’m curious because I wonder how much of anyone’s self-image is decided by societies parameters of who we are supposed to be/ allowed to be. How does this play out for you?

I touched on this question in my first answer. Sidebar: Does this feel like an essay test to anyone else? Just sayin’. Anyhoo, I’d like to rephrase your question because gay or straight, we are all just men.  Now, is there a difference between being a hetero-man in your 30s and a gay man in your 30s—yes, annnd no. Yes because one likes penis, ahem, correction other guys penises more the other. Ha!! You like that, huh?! I know. In all seriousness, I feel one of the big differences is finding a suitable mate.  Some would say this is the same for both gay and hetero.  Really? If that’s true, get me a man bitches!  And they aren’t that much different because all men have image/body/weight/etc. issues once they hit their 30s. Not to mention the lack of boners due to the slowed sex drive for men you brought to the table the other day. For me, I’m just riding the wave. I learning to be truly happy with what I have and the rest is bound to follow.

Good Answer, Var. How do you think the TTTM community views themselves within this question?

That’s a toughie.  I can’t say one way or the other.  I will say that I hope we have the following that is open, understanding, empathetic, and supportive of everyone in our community.  The purpose of this blog is to bring varied voices together and share in relatable experiences.  To feel like you’re not alone.  Fortunately, the GLBT (and I’m sure I’m missing a letter of the acronym. Fine. I’ll just relinquish my queer card. Here. Take it) community members are a part of the TTTM community. You know, I hope the TTTM community views themselves as lucky and elite to live within this topic. Whether you’re pro or anti, we are all learning new things because a great dialogue fosters learning.

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One Response to “Conversations on Pride”

  1. Becky June 18, 2010 at 1:51 pm #

    First, MAJE props to the people that do this fine blog!
    Creating a space for discussion is such a valuable and vital part of our mutual experience as 30 somethings…and beyond! Let’s not forget…those who have tread the rocky terrain of their 30’s and broken on through to their 40’s – TRAIL BLAZERS!

    Second, it’s imperative that a discussion isn’t focused around heterocentric view points!
    “We’re all just men…” is right!
    We’re all just people with the same strangely wrangled set of expectations that we’re trying to maneuver through in an effort to be happy.
    Yeah, happy!

    The definitions of those expectations vary, but what doesn’t…is that pursuit of happy.

    As the conversation continues, I think what we’ll find is, although we are coming from all different directions, the end is the same.
    What a fine consolation in the journey!

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