Guest Post: The Balancing Act Pt. 2

16 Jun

In “The Balancing Act Pt. 1” we were given a glimpse into how the positive chaos in DinoKitten’s life had manifested itself negatively in her relationship(s).  So, naturally, in Pt. 2 we are about to dive into an emotional cesspool of feeling relationship isolation and the need to gain middle ground with the partner she loves.

I’m so confused.

I’m not the best communicator. Normally, I’d say communication follows the order of 1-2-3. But, me, I generally communicate  1-3-2-1-3  or something. Perhaps that is why I chose the chaotic life, and why I have a love/hate
relationship with it. It can be fun to take chances, move to big new cities, be brave, experience third world counties. It builds a nice tough skin that lets you love and appreciate the earth. The chaotic life sucks sometimes also, mostly when it’s only about work, and those things you like to do—yeah, they don’t get done anymore. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work = 50-60 hours a week = too tired to think/care/indulge in anything else.

Is there anyone out there reading this that has a great ability to balance things? Can a chaotic life be capable of this? Please say, yes! Two sides to this question, from my current perspective and situation on how I feel balance is affecting me personally:

Me on HIM: Do you take the two minutes to stop what you are doing to look her in the eyes and say hello, connect, hug? Do you think to ask if she may want something to eat also? Did you make time to have a relationship and not just be a workaholic? Do you ever talk about anything other than work? Why did you stop being so passionate about me and now only about work? Why don’t you act like you love me? Why don’t you make time for me? Why do you answer everyone else’s calls and texts while we’re out at dinner, but you never respond to mine?

Me on ME: Why don’t I make time to create more? If I created more—painting, drawing, photoshop—maybe I wouldn’t be so consumed with how much my relationship seems to be failing and how he doesn’t seem to care about anything but work. I should take the dog on more walks. I should find and explore more to do with myself. I should make more friends. I should really keep my promise to take my friend out to lunch. I should go find a new trail and hike it. I wish I had time to do all these things. Why does he never look at me anymore? I’m invisible. Maybe if I made more time to do things for me and told him to go jump in a lake I’d be a real 30 something, independent, classy… sigh. I’m crazy, aren’t I?

FML.

Dear (my) partner:  It feels like you go out of your way to NOT look at me. I see you examine all the walls, people, objects with your eyes, only to never meet mine. It makes my heart pound with a slow chisel of death as each month, week, day, hour, minute and then finally… second goes by that you no longer look or feel for me. Why are you even with me? I’ve tried to ask and tell you my needs. I’ve asked what’s a solution for you to balance our relationship. Why don’t you do it?

Dear reader:  If you feel like your partner is giving you the invisible treatment, then I feel for you. If you are the partner not taking fragments of time each day to acknowledge, hug, connect, then I hope you realize how painful that is, and that you should stop. NOW.

Balance comes in lots of forms. This entry was geared towards a relationship, but it can be the same for your personal hobby, exercise, etc… How do YOU make time for these things? The older we get, the more impossible it seems to become.

–DinoKitten

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One Response to “Guest Post: The Balancing Act Pt. 2”

  1. Malia June 16, 2010 at 10:28 am #

    “Dear (my) partner: It feels like you go out of your way to NOT look at me. I see you examine all the walls, people, objects with your eyes, only to never meet mine. It makes my heart pound with a slow chisel of death as each month, week, day, hour, minute and then finally… second goes by that you no longer look or feel for me. Why are you even with me? I’ve tried to ask and tell you my needs. I’ve asked what’s a solution for you to balance our relationship. Why don’t you do it?”…
    I feel like you wrote the exact same words I thought in my head almost a year ago…I’ll bet you two sleep in the same bed and it feels like there is a boarder thicker than the Great Wall of China running from headboard to footboard…
    I had the same thoughts as you and the same gut wreching feeling that I used to have came back after reading this…so what did I do?
    I left. It was painful and it hurt and I watched him look at me with blank eyes while I told him that this wasn’t good enough for me anymore and it hurt even more when he agreed with me and didn’t try to stop me…and two days later I took myself to Vegas with one of my very good friends and went crazy in the only city it is acceptable to go that crazy in…then I came back, got an apartment and realized that I had amazingly strong freinds that would lend me their shoulders to cry on, that would look at apartments with me, that got me shit faced drunk and kept me company until I got used to being by myself…
    and then my dear, the best thing ever happened…I was introduced to someone who looks at me like I matter, who hugs me and smiles at me and doesn’t answer his phone when we are at dinner…someone who tries to include me in his life…I’m not saying that everything is smooth sailing and there aren’t days that I wish I could kick him in the shins, but I couldn’t imagine my life any better than it is now…and if you need more friends well then, come hang out with me :-)

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