Guest Post: The Balancing Act Pt.1

14 Jun

Alright, Thirty Rotten Scoundrels.  It’s time to rally the troops.  DinoKitten has put it all on the table in this submission.  The way I see it,  she needs some discerning ears and constructive feedback.  What do you have for her?

I write this with a lovesick heart. It’s not the good kind of love sick either – the early spring, can’t take my eyes off you, love note-writing kind. I write from the sad, too busy with work to pay attention to anything else kind. This entry has a lot to d0 with my current status and difficulty in what 31 years of life should have prevented me from getting into.

Maybe it’s because I’m this old and still having issues, maybe it’s because the things that made me who I am, I can’t even see anymore. Ultimately this is about balance.

Girls are naturally better at multi-tasking which makes sense as they have to be to be good moms, wives, CEOs, etc. With that mindset, women have to learn to be patient with their man, and please feel free to defend and comment on this, men only deal with what is front of them.

The insight, instinct and ability to question what their partner/job/stomach may be needing or up to comes in generally when it’s about to happen or maybe even five minutes notice. If they even bother to question that at all, which is where my situation comes in.

I’m only mom to one, the canine kind. I don’t live in the suburbs, and I don’t have a white picket fence. I chose the chaotic life, not the reliable predictable one. For several years I thought I wanted those things, because society and general overall “success stories” seem to deem that the case.

By the age of 30, I promised myself a real life, one for me, and accepted those “normal” things were not me. Turning 30 was great, because it gave me a real confidence- one I didn’t have before (and I’m a leader-type person) to fucking just be ME. And if you don’t like ME, then fuck you.

I’ve lived with a few guys. I’ve been committed long term. The list grew, with those 30 years experience, of what I really wanted in a partner. About six months of that mindset, I found my “person” or who I thought fit that role. And now here we are, 12 months after that… still together. Or are we?

Without the previous relationships getting in the way, like a previous entry on this blog stated, they are your “ex” for a reason, so appreciate that they (your man) are different. One thing I think is important to realize here: Yes, they may be different, but did I chose the same or did I chose differently?

What happens when you thought you did chose differently but then the yucky hidden things that you specifically DID NOT want on your list anymore… reveal their ugly head? What then?

Then it makes it hard to make sure the previous relationship isn’t getting in the way, because all of the sudden you feel like you’re repeating something you let go of and no longer want. And now you live with it. Again.

How did that happen? Where did I go wrong? Getting older doesn’t answer this question, at least for me.

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4 Responses to “Guest Post: The Balancing Act Pt.1”

  1. Chinky June 14, 2010 at 2:35 pm #

    Depends on what’s on the list. As for who or what traits you choose, it’s normal for people reveal themselves slowly and no one is to blame for that. All that dwelling and hesitating is just unnecessary. Once that unwanted trait rears its ugly head, I find it easier just to politely but directly say it’s not working. Better to get it done and over with than let it rot.

    • Sport June 15, 2010 at 11:31 am #

      @Chinky, I agree. However, I’ve never been able to balance “settling” with “compromise.” I personally can’t tell where one ends and the other begins. Or is it too demanding to expect someone to be anything other than exactly who they are just to be with you?

      I don’t believe there is that perfect mate for anyone. You know, the one who is absolute in everything you’ve wanted and you the same for them. I think there are a lot of people one can be compatible with, so I get caught up in that when I’m deciding what is a deal breaker and what is just stuff to put up with.

      Thoughts?

      • Chinky June 15, 2010 at 1:53 pm #

        I guess it just boils down to being specific about how much you want to compromise and if a partner’s good traits outweigh the bad. That’s especially important because I have so many friends who start bringing out only the negatives once their partner does something bad but minor. Where’s the whole picture?

        • Sport June 15, 2010 at 3:31 pm #

          I think that is such a good point. I often find myself in a “forest for the trees” mindset when it comes to a partner.

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