All My Single Ladies…

3 Jun

By Sara Downey
Blogger of meanest look

Ladies, ladies, ladies. Now put your hands up and stop. You are out of control.

*in a super whiny voice*: If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it…

That song. Ugh. Girls, forget every bit of women’s lib you think that song is telling you. Stop acting crazy. With yesterday’s post about men and dating, it was only fair that I’d call out my girls today. 

The thing is, we’re awesome and attractive until we start living that song. Then we’re walking nag machines. We turn ourselves into the most unattractive monsters imaginable.

Independence is great, but you need to tame that shit. Let a man be a man. It’s not about being superior or constantly in control to impress your date. He’s already out with you. He likes you. Just be in the moment and enjoy.

It’s true what they say: we all know he wants a freak in the bedroom and a lady on the street. Ladies, your job is to know where to draw the line. Set the pace. This doesn’t mean to be a skankzilla when you meet his folks. It also doesn’t mean you shouldn’t send him south between the sheets. You just have to know how to carry yourself in every situation.

All men aren’t the same – as in they are not your ex. Don’t treat this new guy like you treated your ex. Remember, he’s your ex for a reason.

While we’re on the subject of who he is-guess who doesn’t exist? Mr. Guy From My Dreams. He’s not out there and you’re missing out on the guy who may be dreamy if you hold on to the fantasy.

Put down the rule books and the “how to catch a man” research studies. Just put them down. Along with the Bedside Astrologer. Guess what? Geminis and Virgos can be great together. And you can actually make the first move. Guys actually love it when you do.

On that great first date: Have an opinion, but don’t be overly opinionated. *two snaps* Be assertive, be who you are, but don’t be a beeotch.

Be comfortable. Dress in something that has been given a test drive. Be sexy by wearing what you’re comfortable in. Be your best version of you, and he’s bound to think that’s sexy.

Don’t be afraid to be fun, but don’t be the faux fun girl. Be the cool you. There is nothing worse than being the girl that loves all the same things the boy likes on paper and then is secretly dying inside.

Be self-aware. Be right with yourself and you’ll find that you’re right for someone else. *three snaps*

Life is not a romantic comedy. Movies, o-good-effin-christ. Romantic comedies do not exist in real life. Just ask Sandra Bullock.

Bottom line: Let go of your should’ve, would’ve, could’ves. Fairy tales are fairy tales and a pop song is just a pop song. Didn’t you learn anything from High Fidelity?


5 Responses to “All My Single Ladies…”

  1. enyabiznass June 3, 2010 at 8:47 am #

    Thanks, Sport. Guess what I’m going to be singing and dancing out all day long. Better go find my leotard…

  2. livingdilbert June 3, 2010 at 9:01 am #

    You are really good – now I’m going to share your blog with several friends who could benefit from your wisdom!

  3. Dulce June 3, 2010 at 9:55 am #

    Poor Sandra Bullock. Poor, poor Sandra Bullock.

  4. Lady Crush June 3, 2010 at 10:36 am #

    I really wish that song wasn’t so damn catchy.

    Anyway, I’m of the school that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a vespa. However, Vespas can be really fucking fun. Does the Vespa complete me? No. But it’s a nice thing to have when you want to enjoy the commute to work and back.

    Weird analogy, I know. The point is, having a romance in your life isn’t something to check off your to-do list. It’s not a critical block in Maslow’s hierarchy, but sometimes it makes sense. I think it’s difficult for a lot of women to feel comfortable with themselves enough to realize this.

    And for the record, Sandy’s gonna be just fine.

  5. Lisa June 3, 2010 at 2:54 pm #

    I like the song because it’s catchy. Anybody who thinks pop music is a blueprint for living their life has worse problems than their single status…

    Good post, though I’d pick at “let a man be a man.” I’d say “let a man be himself.” Not every man wants to fit into the RAR MAN stereotype. Best “housewife” I know is male!

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