Ask Captain Falcon Punch!

17 May

Life is hard in your 30s.  I’ve got your back.

Your wayyyyyy back.

___

Dear Captain Falcon Punch,

How do I get my friend to see me as a romantic partner and not just one of the guys?

Signed,
Can’t Make The First Move

Dear CMTFM,
oh that’s easy. check this shit out : invite him over for dinner
then drug his meal
when he wakes up, stand over him wearing a Pokemon costume holding a whip and just say to him “You’re my bitch now…”
Easy as pie.

You’re Welcome,
CFP

______________________________________________________________________

Dear Captain Falcon Punch,

I have a friend who is gay. He isn’t out. I think he needs to come out of the closet. How can I help him?

Yours,
A Good Friend

Dear Good Friend,

check this shit out! invite the guy over for dinner and then take his coat. when he gets ready to leave for the night, make him go to the coat closet to get his coat and have a mannequin dressed like him in there holding a sign that says “Its ok”

fucking dope right?
i got a million ideas

XOXO,
CFP

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6 Responses to “Ask Captain Falcon Punch!”

  1. enyabiznass May 17, 2010 at 9:22 pm #

    I <3 CFP

    • talk30tome May 18, 2010 at 3:07 pm #

      Word on the street is he <3 you, too, Enya.

  2. Oh my fucking god May 18, 2010 at 6:47 am #

    Oh my fucking god……

    • Sport May 18, 2010 at 11:56 am #

      I know! Great advice, right?

  3. lorrie May 18, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    i’ve been warning the husband about that first one since the day i met you.

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